Squall

Hello Jared, you ask, I deliver. East Bristol had never been quieter. Perhaps it was an omen, maybe even a warning. Clair Stowe mulled over it frequently in the later ...

Hey there Sureal :D I did say that I was going to critique all of this series. I'm a man of my words. If this is because of alcohol, Leo ...

Minus 10 points for mocking Twilight in a fanfic. Na joking. I think there should had been more interaction between Bella/Edward with other characters. It could had been extended further ...

Hey day tripper. I think the piece focuses too heavily on the physical descriptions of the characters rather than the actual relationships of characters and/her the characterization of the novels. ...

Hi there Inksplatter, and welcome to YWS. What do you think of it so far? Anyways, I printed this out during lunch and read it while waiting for my noodles ...

Hey Raimura. 8) I personally don't like this poem. It reads more like a rant that I would find in someone's blog from Bebo, MySpace, FaceBook etc. It's written with ...

Hey Overeasy. What's up. Your first two lines introduce the poem well and establishes the metaphor in the poem. However, the next four lines seem rather useless. They are merely ...

Hello Vivi. I believe I did said that I would help you out a bit to get you back on track. Anyways, you need to make it more clear to ...

Hey there StolenHearts, how are you? Endless streams of tears ran down their cheeks as they looked at me in my casket. Endless? Do you think people would cry endlessly? ...

Hahhaha. Still can't get past the fact that you seem a bit girly Conrad? Man I feel like doing a fanfic based on YWS now I think you should had ...

Hi there Shadow, I'm back again 8) With serpentine speed he went to grab it, but as he did a bicep slammed into his chin and threw him off the ...

Hehe. Hello Pingu. Rap on the knuckles, mister, wear the dunce hat now. I assume this refers to God but this bit stuck me as kind of odd. I think ...

Hi there. I think the problem with the piece is that there isn't much happening. About 3/4 of the piece is about Maryse encouraging the narrator to look at the ...

Hello. The night was deathly silent and besides the harsh breathing of the woman it appeared as if there were no other living things present. Run on sentence. Try using ...

Hello there. I won't be giving a line to line critique on this. Instead, I'm going to give you some of my knowledge and hopefully it will encourage you to ...