Stephenie Meyer uses the word
Incoherant
Way too much.
Like, find a new way of saying
That your stupid generic character
Is impossible to understand.
And yes, dear, we do
Understand
That Edward Cullen is
The vampire-supermodel-of-the-decade
But if you mention his eyes one more time
I will kill you.
And MYGOSH you could not
Possibly
Have made Breaking Dawn
MORE disgusting; ewewewew
I feel dirty even thinking about the
sexsexsexsexBIRTHsexsexsex
Stephenie Meyer, pleasegodplease
Learn
To write properly
And stop brainwashing my friends
Because everyone is an Edward-Obsessed-Zombie
And it's incredibly irritating.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Seriously, what is your problem?
Twilight has made so many people happy
Breaking Dawn isn't even THAT bad
There are no sex scenes, just "the morning after"
If you hate it that much, let's see you write something better.
And you might like to check out my poem in "Other Poetry" entitled "Edward Cullen"
If you hated Twilight so much did you read Breaking Dawn anyway?
Oh, and you totally spelled "incoherant" wrong. It's "incoherent""
I enjoyed Twilight but I still really enjoyed your poem. My favourite part was when you said if Stephanie talks about Edward Cullen’s eyes one more time! I found this very annoying as well and was sick of it by the time I was finished the series. A thought would be to put more explanation and more detail in the poem. Get to the core of the poem and start bulking it up from there. I really enjoy your sense of humour and I hope you write more as I would certainly read them. Keep writing and going into more detail. Well done.
writerblock101
I really liked your poem, even though I am a twilight fan. I totally agree that she is so annoying! Like, Midnight Sun would have probably been at least a bit better writing quality because she would have to get new words!
But she just scrapped it because someone SHE gave the manuscript to HERSELF bye HER CHOICE posted it up on the internet. I mean come on! Most people probably wouldn't have even read it!
I almost barfed!
Also, I totally say the same about Breaking Dawn. What a disappointment! I mean, it didn't really fit with the rest of the series and some scenes were just over the top disgusting! *cough*birthscene*cough*
Anyways, I also would like to say that I agree with Galerius about the line breaks. But overall, a well done poem. Keep writing, and I hope you do another follow up poem!
What I want to know... How many of you who hate Twilight have actually read the series? Taken time to try and appreciate it?
While I will admit Stephenie (And please, spell the woman's name right! There is no "A" in her name!) is no Dickens, Austen, or Bronte, her characterizations were wonderful. At least, in my opinion they were.
I didn't really find this poem funny; maybe it's because I'm too obsessed to give a care what others think. Yep, I think that's it.
So, go ahead; try and talk [or yell] some sense into me. I'm betting it won't work.
And P.S.: Why is everyone freaking out over Breaking Dawn? It wasn't explicit at all! My mother read the book after I did, and she's a protective-freak about what I read. She didn't get mad. The Notebook was a lot more explicit than that, and I haven't seen people complain about it!
She writes 'REALLY' well if you're an insecure, ungrateful little tweenager with no imagination and no experience with good books. Try reading Dickens, Tolkien, Dostoevsky, even ROWLING, and you'll see why we call Stephenie Meyer a mediocre writer. Even Stephen King thinks she's lame. What everyone wants to hear? What girls/women between eight and like, sixty-five want to hear. I, for one, view it as a sort of pathetic drug, for those dumb enough to take it.
And to make sure this constitutes as a review (Hehe, my third post on this topic... xD) I think you should de-capitalize 'understand.' As many have told you already, it's not really a poem, per se, but it's hilarious and 'enlightling,' as my little brother would say. x-x;
At least we all have opinions, right?
-SELA
This was a very interesting piece. Also, very amusing! Good job.
I don't believe this!
Stephenie Meyer writes really well!
I know everyone is entitiled to their own opinion but don't condemn her for writing about what veryone wants to hear!
And the sexual/birth part isn't even THAT bad-it's not even very descriptive. It could have been way worse.
So yeah...
Meh.
Ha ha! I gold-starred this a long while ago. I'm just now getting to "review it", per se.
Anyway, I disagree with those complaining that this is "disrespectful"; it is not disrespectful, nor is it a "bad poem". There is no such thing as a bad poem. We're all entitled to opinions, and mine is that this is, in fact, a poem. And I actually think that this is the best kind of poem that you can get. It's filled with emotion and is very opinionated. My personal favorite and the only kind that I tend to write. People tend to dislike my poetry/writing for just that reason: it's very opinionated and normally is the opposite of what everyone else believes. But, I take no notice to it. It's my poem/writing, and I just want some feedback, not to be yelled at by people that don't appreciate my opinion/think differently. (xD)
So, I dropped by to say well done on this. I agree that, not only has Meyer brainwashed almost the entire population of teenage girls, but she also is a very amateur type of writer and her characters are very lacking. And, my biggest issue with the Twilight Saga: What is the plot? Honestly, I still can't figure it out to this day. And don't tell me that the plot is that Edward is a vampire, Bella is a human and they love each other. That is no plot.
By the way, I can proudly say that I have read all of the Twilight books and still don't understand what the hype is about, just so you all know that I have read the books and am not basing this off of others' opinions, but my own.
Great job, once again, Rai. Please don't listen to those who say that this isn't a poem, or that this is disrespectful, etc.. Because it's your opinion, and nothing else matters. It was great.
<3,
Mel
I have to admit that I'm a Twilight Fan. I'm not one of those freaking obsessed girls or anything, I just read because I want to read. I so agree with you! The only was Breaking Dawn actually sold so many copies was because there was like FIVE STUPID SEX SCENES!!!!!!!!!!! ew.
If you actually think hard about the series, you can obviously tell Stephenie wrote each of them in less than a year. It was like she didn't plan the book at all! She just wrote down what she wanted to. It was no where near close to Harry Potter, everything in that book means SOMETING!!! In Twilight, all it means in SEX!!!!!!! EW EW EW EW EW!
I really don't like this poem
Partly because I Love Twilight but also because it lacks depth, structure and a point really. Stephenie will NEVER read this and as for telling her to 'learn to write' I think you must realise that the woman has made millions from the sales of the twilight series, therefore, someone, somwhere LIKED her books.
I wouldn't say she uses incoherent that much, and to be quite fair, you must have read the books a fair few times to notice this, so are you telling us you read books you hate several times, just to prove a point? If so, I think you should stop wasting your time and find a book you DO like, may I suggest Dr Seuss? You won't find the word coherent there or the 'ew ew ew sex and baby' you described. Repeat after me 'Sam I am'
Next time you feel like ranting about something pointless, I suggest you blog.
I liked this a lot, and my appreciation of it oddly enough has nothing to do with Twilight or people who read Twilight. I found it very poetic, in a kind of contemporary way, and I really enjoyed the way it was crafted and that it was funny to me even though I know nothing of its topic. It reminded me a lot of the Frank O'Hara poem, "The Day Lady Died". Similar style, it seemed to me. Thumbs up.
-BFG
I agree with some people: it's definitely not what I would call "poetic". But I think that it's originality and they way with's written, kinda broken up and switching to different thoughts with each stanza, is what I would call poetry, in a sense because that's what poetry is. But I love the poem. Truly, I do.
Haha, wow! This really made me laugh. Even though I am a Twilight fan, though not an Edward lover, I found this to be true. She DOES use the word incoherent too much.
It's amazing how the Twilight fandom has spread so much in the past couple of years. It is INSANE!! I mean, it's all great and everything, but to have your whole room and wardrobe decked out Twilight is kind of weird.
Stephenie Meyer is a good writer. She's not bad, but better than most. I think she could find some better words to use in her books than the same ones over and over and over again. You made a really good point.
I think Edward is supposed to be all hot and everything. Psh! Whatever!
Hmm...Maybe Twilight isn't all cracked up as it's supposed to be...My friends are going to hate me now! =] Thanks for showing the light and making me think about the "bad" things about the book. =P
Becca
Hear, hear! Couldn't agree more. More power to you and may the brainwashed world of giggling teenage girls be saved by your rant.
This is really funny. ^^ But I wouldn't consider it poetic... There are enough comments and they all hit the nail on how you can make this more poetic...But from a readers stand point this is too funny to complain about little errors. I agree. i think it's unfair that SM has gotten so much praise for her crappy writing. while ppl with actual talent are being pushed to the side because their female characters are refusing to bow down to a god-like male. I did'nt even finish Breaking Dawn. i was completely grossed out by the time it switched to Jacob's POV, which was the worst section, pointless and a waste of paper.
Many people are going to hate me for saying this but lets be mature about this, K? Tech. Bella raped Edward. Even those both parties were willing, Bella is of legal age (18) and Edward isn't. He's only 17 (Even though he's been forever...*Rolls eyes.*)
this is considered statutory rape,,, I bet SM wasn't even thinking this through. She was trying to please the zombies rather then twisting her plot and making it seem realistic. Did you notice what a big fuss they made over picking teams? then how suddenly they ended the team thing in BD? It was almost like she was surveying her fans to see who she was going to pick! Ridecous....Ok, sorry I got a little off topic. Nice funny rant, I just get so worked up over the whole stupid Twilight thing...
I'm guilty of being twilight obsessed (But I learnt to move on and hook myself on something else XD)
This was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S
This must really be your true feelings.
I had a hard time trying to stop myself from laughing.
I can imagine how you feel.
I guess the dude(Edward) is supposed to be uber hot and everything,
But I don't really see what's the point of obsessing over someone who will never come true.
Anyway, Stephenie has mentioned that she didn't have prior experience to writing,
So this is probably the reason people find her work amateurish.
But i really loved your poem! Excellent!
That was harsh...
try to be nice when stating your opinion, that could have offended anyone,
especially your "Edward obsessed zombies" on YWS.
You have so much potential and the best thing about it is that you are using that in the best way you can... Outrageous unique and original "thing" you wrote. I understand your concern about losing your friends 'cause of one person who thinks that "be cool" is "be best". Say her hello(punch 'er!) from me... Stay yourself...
P.S. I'll skip the critics 'cause you probably know what's wrong. I just stopped to say hello and give you my regards...
I think you must've not read it very clearly, Galerius, because Rai did have 'deep' reasons, if you want to call them that. The characters are generic, Breaking Dawn is SICK, and her view on vampires reminds me of like, a little girl going up to a rabid lion, and saying, 'but, Mom, it's so beautiful!'
And then she dies. It's like that. Vampires aren't sweet, immortal people - they're dead, heartless predators. Steph just takes a bulldozer to the idea of vampires and completely destroys and wimpifies them. If that's not disrespectful, I don't know what is. I don't want to make this a big rant, but to be completely honest, it doesn't take a lot to get a cliche romance out onto the shelves.
Again, Rai, best thing ever. Your voice in the poem owns all. Just one thing - I think it's 'incoherent', not 'incoherant'. 'Twas probably just a typo. Good writing to you all! ^_^
-SELA
I totally agree. Edward is just WAY too perfect. I read Twilight just after it came out and I took me a whole month to read the damn book. >> After that, I gave up on the series. T.T I'll just stick to my Darren Shan books...
[Sniff]
-Poppy
Well, my poem wasn't good, but it was controversial! I am really enjoying reading all the reviews! Thanks for taking your time to agree with me or yell at me- j'appreciate it whatever you said.
Tcha
xxxx
Whoops. ^
Jacob... JACOB hit on the new born... not the actor.
OK, OK everyone jeez we all have our own opinions, some of us HATE the Twilight series, others LIKE the Twilight series and some LOVE the Twilight series, in my opinion it's OK, I didn't love it all the way but I don't hate it. Geez everyone start a freaking riot. (That was a joke).
anyways if you liked it great, if not, whatever, but DON'T start puting authors down. If you don't like their work, DON'T read it. Alright? It's just that simple.
You wouldn't like it either if someone started putting your work down, especially if you worked really hard on it. Stephanie did the best she could. At LEAST she has a book out, instead of saying.
"I hate Stephanie Myer... blah blah blah."
Just read your own work. Send Stephanie Myer a message, but don't be rude and put her down, at least she tried. Now in this case, I think this poem was VERY disrespectful. I can understand why you didn't like it, no person or anything else should be described "PERFECT." but it was here work. Like I said I'm not exactly a huge fan, but yeah, sure I liked it.
-Max
Yeah, it may not count as poetry, but I totally agree with you!
I had just gotten into Twilight before the whol kafuffle about the movie and yada-yada-yada.... Yeah, Breaking Dawn was sick. But, I have to say, the part where the baby bursts from her stomach was just sketchy. It didn't make me barf. I have not re-read any Twilight books since Breaking Dawn because the series is ruined. Me and Incognito Temptation both agree, she started writing for the fans, and not herself. I wish she'd kept the innocent love that was there in Twilight.
Yes, Edward sounds hot, but all her characters are practically based upon an Anne Rice vamp. Yes, Taylor Lautner is hot, but still... he hit on a newborn child. Mehh. That's all.
PEACE !
La Reinaa
I agree completely.The woman get waay too much hype for her mediocre writing.
Hehe!! Thank you, that some one else in the world hates twilight...
)
)
I think it was an interesting poem despite other people's saying it isn't actually a poem. Which I think it is. In my eyes (which may or may not be reliable), poetry is meant to express your emotions in a creative way...believing that Stephanie Meyer is terribly annoying is an emotion....and you expressed it in a creative way.
Good job well done.
(I agree with FinalFreedom. I always seem to be in the minority when it comes to "fangirl" things...yuck)
Though it could stand to be longer. More detail on WHY exactly stephanie meyer is a horrible author, perhaps? (which is a very easy task
(this has nothing to do with the poem, but i have to add that you're only 6 days older than me.
I enjoyed this!
Looks like OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder) has spread!!!!
GREAT POEM!!! If I showed it to people at school I would be run out of town! Well not the town, but definitly the school.
thankyouthankyouthankyou. I said Twilight wasn't so great at the lunch tabe the other day, and I swear the whole cafeteria got quiet. This may not be poetry, but it is so true. The one thing you didn't mention, though, is how pathetic the characters are. Bella is constantly saying:"Oh, Edward! He is so great! I am not worthy!" And Edward is always saying: "Oh, Bella, my love! I am a monster! I am not worthy!" It's a miracle they ever kissed.
And the Edward in the movie is really not hot. I don't care if his hair does do the flippy-thing and is shiny.
ROTFL
That was so true!!!!!!!
this is hilarious,
you made my day!
I have no critisism. Perfect.
My hero!
Stephenie Meyer is not a good author. The characters are useless and cliche, the plot line is sickeningly cheesy, and the dialogue could be written by my five-year-old brother. Okay, I exaggerated that last part. But almost.
As Delys would say, lots of people write about vampires. The more invincible they are, the more insecure and well, almost immature the author is. Vampires, like every predator, like every being, have weak points. They do, if you look at the older, smarter authors back in the better days. She ruins the idea of a vampire, weakens and waters them down. I, personally, hate that.
Love her all you want, people. I don't hate her, either. I just won't ever find her books as anything other than sort of, pathetically hypnotizing. And sort of sick, maybe.
So thank you, Rai. Loved it - and since it doesn't particularly take itself seriously, I rather imagine to review accordingly. BESTTHINGEVER!!!
-SELA
P.S. And Echelon? People like her because she plays on their insecurities, not because her stories are well-written, or whatever reason you found. =D
If shes so bad at writing why do soooooo many people like her. And not all twilight fans like Edward, my friend beth hates him and thinks he's ugly but she's in love with Jacob.
And for the edward zombie thingys, I love them!!
Also yes Edward is the The vampire-supermodel-of-the-decade because vampires are ment to be beautiful and they are.
I will stop before I start the rant about how Stephenie Meyer Doesn't Annoy Me!
I guess you just wanted to get the whole Edward haters together, just make a group.
This was hilarious! And I must say, I totally agree with you. For me personally, The Twilight books are kind of over-rated. In the tiniest way, it almost reminded me of *shudder* Eragon. It seemed rushed at times, and the writing was...interesting.
Anyway, back to the poem: Everyone said what I was going to say (meanies), but it acheived what it was supposed to do: be funny, get people (kinda) thinking, and yeah, it was funny. Do more satire stuff like this!
JEnNi
Just stating my opinion here, despite the fact that this isn't a group discussion.
Stephenie Meyer is like the rest of the world: Human. She's not perfect, and okay, she's going to make some mistakes and have some downs as well as ups. But I think she's been judged harshly at times.
Obviously she's doing SOMETHING right, seeing as she has so many fans and is pretty much the biggest best-selling author in the country. And she's like the rest of us on YWS: a learning writer. Twilight was her first book, people. She's doing amazing for being such so new at this.
All I'm saying is, while some of her work (I loved The Host) is not the best literature out there, she deserves kinder words. If you hate her, okay, tell us, but don't make it sound as if she's writing with a crayon and is just learning English or something. She's good. Just not as good as some of us may like. But, really, who are we to talk? How many of us are published as of yet?
Judge less, think more.
It's a rant. I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be great poetry.
But it is funny.
You are offcially my hero LOL
I despise Twilight; mostly because I'm one of those hard to find teenage girls that hates anything that "fangirls" crush over. (E.G.- Robert Pattison, The Jonas Brothers...)
I've never read the books, and have yet so see the movie. Why? I already said. Two of my closest friends annoy the living heck out of me all day long because all they do is sit there and literally SQUEEL about Edward. He's a fictional character from a fictional book. He'll never be real. You'll never get him. Shut up and get over it.
I like this piece simply because I agree whole-heartedly with you. To me, it's an amazing piece. Good job.
HAH! Loved it. I admit, I am a Twilight fan, but I'm not overly-obsessed like some people are. I find it disgusting how some people just drool all over it. i totally agree with you; good work!
Do you seriously want this to be critiqued? You sound exactly like - and I mean exactly like - Twilight fangirls. The same arrogant tone, the same juvenile word choice, etc.
Also, the line breaks were so random that I have trouble believing you devoted much thought to where and when phrases should be given the dignity of their own lines. I recommend you only use line breaks when you feel it is important, and in most cases throughout this poem, that's not showing through. For instance:
What is this? I mean, really? In some cases, there's an entire phrase; in others, simply one word. It makes no sense whatsoever.
I'm not going to critique any other aspects because Squall did a good job of that, but know that this is a poor poem (it's just my opinion, but after all, opinions are why you posted this here in the first place) that shows you don't have any real reason to hate Twilight as deep as do the girls who love Twilight. Just another jump-on-the-hate-bandwagon poem.
This is going to be fowarded to some of the girls in my school..
Do you mind
*cackles*
Well a unique approach to poetry I'll give you that. However it's more of a hmm....statement than a poem. Perhaps try putting it into a different format?
But I must agree with you on one thing - how come everyone is so hyped up about this series?! It seems everybody's addicted...well...almost everyone....
First of I agree with this 100% Stephanie Mayer has brainwashed everyone in my school. But lets see...
That stanza doesn't sound right. Its probably just me but try making the supermodel statement a bit shorter.
However like someone said before me, this is just a rant and nothing more. Just fix somethings like the variety of compound and you can make it a decent poem.
Funny? Yes. But I have to agree with Squall on this one, as funny as this is, it does not count as poetry.
It's a long listed rant about why you hate her, I dislike her writing as well, but there is no need for me to write a rant about and then call that rant a poem.
This was sort of pointless, and though there was obviously feeling behind it, there was very little meaning. Good for entertainment, but not exactly what I look for in poetry.
Perhaps that is just me.
Best of luck
OverEasy
Ok, Ok, this was kinda funny, but have you ever read Twilight? It might explain why your friends like Edward Cullen so much.
What about her makes you so mad, besides brain-washing your friends? In your next poem, explain yourself a little more. It would be a lot funnier.
Good job, though.
LOL that was very interesting and preety amusing ^^
though your need to clarify more why you don't like writer so much.
for me I'm a big fan if her work , and as for the birth/sexual part sheesh she didnt go into detail sooo.. it could of been worse.
I saw the movie and yes it was good but it didnt meet my expectations.
Kinda harsh don't ya think?
Hi,
Loved it! I couldn't agree more. She uses words that don't fit and stuff over again. If you ever do a sequel to this I have something that she over uses, just in the first novel: "I got (insert word) that had nothing to do with (insert another word)" She always uses this and it irritates me. I found this highly funny even though I like Twilight. My friend is brainwashed by and thinks its better then Harry Potter, which is obviously not true.
I loved it! I'm stilling laughing from it
Love,
N
Hey Raimura.
I personally don't like this poem. It reads more like a rant that I would find in someone's blog from Bebo, MySpace, FaceBook etc. It's written with such a blatant and literal hatred of the novel, failing to make use of the numerous conventions and imagery poetry can offer.
Some of the ideas in this "poem" lacks depth. For example: "
Generic how? Explain.
How is she doing it? Is it not because her ideas cater to what a majority of teen girls desires in life?
In each paragraph, it expresses different ideas, but they never seem to get past "describe". What's written doesn't seem to work together well to contribute to the overall message to the audience. You could had kept only the last line and it would had expressed the "dislike the narrator has for twilight".
But after finishing this, I don't really understand as to why you dislike Twilight. Your points are so limited. I think it would had been better if you had took out one of the ideas in this poem, use it, and expand on it further. For example: The author brainwashing teens. Why is that? Is it because Meyer caters for the fantasies of the teens but fails to help them see past teenage stereotypes? How do you think Meyer should had written Twilight?
These are the ideas that I want to see in your poem of Twilight, not just direct hate of the novel without justification.
Good luck, and I hope my critique has helped (and yes, I'm aware that it's written for comical reasons, but I don't think its funny and the fact that you posted it here means that you want someone to criticize it and offer suggestions so that you'll improve as a poet).
Andy.
Lol. This really made me laugh.
This is really...outrageously unique. Good job!
1 gold star for you!
*EDITED*
thanks to everyone for the advice
xxx
Well I have to say I found this extremely hilarious!! Loved it just form the title, but even more so when I read the whole thing.
I have to say my favorite part was
Because I totally agree with you on her needing to work on her writing, as well as making everyone brain dead over Edward- which is just...baffling.
Usually words sticking together irritates me, but here you used it very well. The only thing that made me think was this line:
I think you should have added More in the line: "But if you mention his eyes one (insert here) time"
Thanks again for one great read!
Ha! I found this poem hilarous!
Just one thing :
"Because everyone is an Edward-Cullen-Loving-Zombie"
That line is a tad to long. try spitting it up:
"Because everyone is an
Edward-Cullen-Loving-Zombie"
Other than that, great poem!