Published November 26, 2008
Kaylyn: Hey did you hear, Nate left? Some person named Lee took his place.
Teddybear22: No, Nate is Lee.
Kaylyn: No he’s not.
Teddybear22: Yes, he is.
Lee: No, really, I took Nate’s place. He isn’t here anymore.
Kaylyn: Told you so.
Edward Cullen: See, Kaylyn’s always right.
Bella: *whines* But I thought I was.
Teddybear22 and Kaylyn catch sight of Edward and runs toward him screaming.
Kaylyn: “I told you he was real!”
*Edward Cullen vanishes, but Bella remains.*
*Kaylyn trips over Bella*
Bella: “You’re such a clutz. Kaylyn.”
Kaylyn: “That’s rich, you’re the real clutz.
Bella: “No, I’m not the one that tripped.”
Teddybear22: “I hate you Bella, you took Edward from me.”
*Teddybear22 then proceeds to slap Bella repeatedly.*
Lee: Haha, I just proved that Edward Cullen is a liar and is not all perfect. Because I am not Lee, I’m actually Harry Potter.” Muhahaha
*Lee rips off mysterious cloak to reveal harry potter*
*Teddybear22 looks accusingly at Lee/Harry Potter.*
*The real Harry potter appears*
Harry Potter: "You are an imposter Lee."
Harry Potter: “I look so much better and so much more handsome than Edward.
*harry Potter looks at Lee*
Harry potter: I am the real Harry Potter!
Lee: “Prove it.”
*harry Potter turns his wand towards Bella and makes her disappear. *
Harry Potter: “Is that enough proof?”
Lee: “You’re so awesome! You got rid of Bella!
*Piggy from Lord of The Flies appears*
Kaylyn: “I thought you were dead. The boulder fell on you.”
Piggy: “I was never dead, the author doesn’t control me.”
Kaylyn: “Except me, because I’m the author.”
Piggy: “No you are not.”
Kaylyn: "I'm the one who started the story, so therefore, I am the author. "
Teddybear22: “Kaylyn isn’t the author, she can’t control what anyone says.”
Kaylyn: “Yes I can, and you know what, I am so deleting you.”
*Everyone sticks out tongue at Kaylyn*
*Kaylyn attempts to hit the delete and backspace button, but finds that she can’t control the characters.*
Kaylyn: What’s happening?
Galerius: I have become the Author because your writing is atrocious.
Piggy: "Yes, I agree, Kaylyn's writing is atrocious."
Kaylyn: "No, it's not."
Harry potter: “Should I zap them?”
Kaylyn: "Yes, please, zap them both."
*Everyone nods, so Harry Potter tries to hit him with a snitch only to find that he is beating hiself up.*
Harry Potter: “I can’t do it.” *grunts from the effort.*
*Galerius glides from a dark corner.*
Galerius: “It’s because I’m the writer now.” Muhahaha
Lee: “But I’m the site admin. I am over you.”
Galerius: “Not in my story”
Kaylyn: "But it's not your story."
Piggy: "Galerius you're my hero."
*Galerius slaps Piggy*
*Everyone disappears except Kaylyn and Galerius. They have an epic battle in which Pikachu, Kaylyn’s pokemon beats up Galerius’ swallow. *
Kaylyn: haha my pokemon beat yours leaving me the true Author.
*Galerius disappears leaving Kaylyn alone. *
Kaylyn: THE END!
--------
By the way, I love Twilight, its the best book ever.
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140,572 Literary Works • 673,518 Reviews
Did I really? :O I didn't realize.
Sorry if I did.
:O
You took some of my elements for your story! I demand half the prize, if you win. XD
(And bulbasaur wins any time of the day. Though, really, Spoink is where it's at.)
So I didn't read the whole thing, but, what I did read--h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s! One crit/comment:
go back over it and try capitalizing the first and last name of Harry Potter. And fix the other few typos. Very well done! I beg you for more.
So I didn't read the whole thing, but, what I did read--h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s! One crit/comment:
go back over it and try capitalizing the first and last name of Harry Potter. And fix the other few typos. Very well done! I beg you for more.
Will do!
[url=http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic38883.html[/url]You must post the link to this in this link or else it won't be accepted.[/url] ^_^
-Jared
hahaha, you made my day.
Loved it!
I got lost here. Isn't Lee Harry Potter?
Good luck in the contest!!
Minus 10 points for mocking Twilight in a fanfic. Na joking.
I think there should had been more interaction between Bella/Edward with other characters. It could had been extended further to bring the point home. That part just seems a bit bare at the moment.
I think you could had also worked on the Piggy part. He only has two lines of dialogue that doesn't really contribute much with what's happening. I could say that it seems rather random just having him in there.
I think those are my suggestions for the time being. I liked the Lee/Nate/Harry Potter concept and Galerius becoming the author and the final showdown with Pokemon lol.
Good work, and good luck with the contest.
Andy.
Hahahahaha! * laughs, sobs, laughs from sobbing*
Great job Kaylan very funny! I thought it was very good. I didn't see any grammatical errors, but then again i was to busy enjoying it to look. Write another. You just earned a gold star, congratulations!
~peanut~