Snoink

Hey jemjive! This seems more like an explanation rather than a story. You have the initial conflict -- the children going to school and how it affects the tribe! And ...

“Oh, you want to get out? I don’t think that’s possible right now, Stephanie, but I can take this tape off your mouth. Would you like that?” The rest of ...

Hey OneSun! One thing I really think you can do with this poem is to describe Black more. At first I thought it was a person, then I thought it ...

HOLY CRAP. NOOOO. NOT PURPLE LIPS! GAH! *MASSIVEFLAIL* What a horrible cliffhanger! I hope you post the next thing soon. This is awful! What if our lovely heroine gets hurt? ...

Hey jemjive! First of all, you may want to change the beginning a little! The description of how she looked seemed too long and unnecessary. Yes, she's attractive. For Jake, ...

This is lovely. I can understand what the voice is calling; "Thief! Thief!". Period isn't needed. I breathe the musty odour of knowledge The phrase "of knowledge" seems a bit ...

Hey seana! This kind of looks like you wrote it really late at night! There are lots of typos, repeated words, misplaced apostrophes, strange punctuation... you name it and it's ...

Hey Mary! You need to focus on the conflict more. The scenery and her hair, etc., is all fine and good, but it clutters up the beginning with what's really ...

Hey ariberry! :D First of all, I found a typo! I knock on your door, cousious.

Oooooh boy! It would figure she would stab him in the heart -- literally! XD Anyway, first of all, I deleted your previous review since it was spam and... yeah. ...

Hey Eli! The backstory seems a little bit contrived and not well-thought out. Like, is there any reason for the pirates and stuff? If you changed around some the details, ...

Hey Jigs! I read this all the way through and thought it was very interesting! Not sure why it hasn't gotten any comments, but whatever. I blame the lazy folk ...

Typo! Dawn is when the desert holds it's breath,

Hey Kiwi! :D There are a couple of things I don't understand! 1. Exchange programs are expensive! Why would the parents bother? Wouldn't they consider sending him somewhere closer to ...

Stelllllllla! I like this fairy tale rewrite! It's fun. :) Two things: 1. It seems unlikely that the witch would lock her daughter with Rapunzel. Maybe a reason for this? ...