Snoink

Since this is not in the debate and serious discussion usergroup, I will assume that it is fair game to critique. Fine? ;) Anyway, I found this to be a ...

This is begging to be expanded... Nice introduction you have there. It introduces the scene fairly well and makes me want to go to San Francisco (it's hot here!) Still, ...

Ooh, this was a fun read! Intensely creative too... it feels like it ought to be in a children's book, but then that doesn't sound right because then I would ...

At first, when I read it, it didn't really strike me, but then I noticed the title, and that was awesome. I don't know... the title makes it all that ...

Not quite your standard poem, eh? ;) My favorite part has to be this: Belabor has become of me. Derailed imaginations spark felicitously in my wooly-cotton conscience that cadence down ...

XD Oh, I hate to break the good news. I didn't really think this was great. Mind you, this isn't bad, but it isn't truly remarkable, as far as your ...

TBR's right... it should be "you're" instead of "your." blowing nervousness into my chest The tension builds up behind the tin-colored button which snaps release as you, tinted teenage arrogant, ...

First off, a typo; nothing big: But it is harder than I realized ad I miss him as he goes. Should be: But it is harder than I realized and ...

Ooooh... I like. It also had a very classic feeling to it, because it actually included a story! Not a very expanded story, mind you, but a story nonetheless, which ...

Hmmm... First of all, the rhyming sounds a little forced. Sometimes this works, especially if you are dealing with an ironic poem that uses a child's voice to complain over ...

Wow... I just realized how much I missed your poetry. XD My favorite stanza was this: In silence, you bite your nails and wait so pathetically; I used to think ...

Hehehe... But I must admit, I did like the first two stanzas quite a bit. They were insulting, but in an extremely entertaining way for me, the outsider. :D

xanthan is quite right, those lines are quite forced. The first thing I look at when I see it doesn't quite flow is the syllable count I tilted my head ...

Ergh! Whenever I read your work, I get jealous. :D 50 days of your love Before this line, you talk about Jesus. Because of this, I think you ought to ...

You are quite right. This was definitely made for the stage. And fortunately for me, I can somewhat picture it in my mind! First of all, I will say this: ...