Snoink

This is much more like a song, actually... a song with dancing. Which is pretty cool, if you think about it. With that said, some of the parts don't really ...

This is nice. I like reading your poetry. :D And I love the martyrs and tribal drum parts because they contrast very nicely with each other. :D

Hello and welcome t o YWS, first of all! :D I've been reading a lot of freestyle poetry lately, so this poem is pretty awesome to me. I like the ...

First book = pure awesomeness. Second book = Er... interesting? Third book = OMG. STOP PREACHING ALREADY. Of course, I read all of them, but the third book was just ...

Hehehe, this is nice! They've already pointed out the last stanza awkwardness, so I won't bother on it, but here's something I noticed: "Aye, but sir," quipped Poverty, "Perhaps I ...

(Psst... this is a place to critique, not debate. ;)) This was a fairly interesting piece... not really an essay, but it definitely reminded me of a column of a ...

Haha, love The Beatles references. One thing that you might check is how you set things up. It's almost like you're afraid that if you don't give every single detail ...

Hmm... First of all, word choice! You wrote "shovel slams" which... I like the shovel part, but I don't like the verb, just because when I hear the word "slams" ...

My favorite lines were these: His eyes... Wait. He had no eyes from which to see, This is because they seemed more true to the poem. The poem is wandering, ...

Aw... being depressed sucks. :( But! I shall critique nonetheless. I'm glad you're putting your depression to a good use like this. :D First of all, I like the theme. ...

Yay! This was refreshingly funny. One thing that you might want to do is to space it out into paragraphs, because some of our critiquers go into spastic fits when ...

Yes, I like it too. Very descriptive. :D You're definitely going to want to add more in this and maybe post it in the story section. One very nit-picky thing ...

Er... you might want to think about making this grammatically correct, i.e., put punctuation and capitalize things. And why is it so colorful? Okay... onto the story! I like the ...

I think many of the adjectives are misplaced. For instance, "gusty." I like the word, but it really does nothing for the poem. Instead, I would like to see more ...

First of all, the prologue is like a script description of a guy. Seeing as you're not doing a screenplay, drop it. It's more interesting in the first chapter anyway. ...