Snoink

Hehe, I love your poetry.

I actually liked this. I know, amazing, right? Just a couple of things! First of all, the second stanza is too rhyming. Or at least it sounds weird to me. ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! Your poem was interesting! For a second, I thought it would be something typical, like somebody living with an alcoholic, so I was pleasantly surprised ...

Eep... I think the prologue should probably be scraped and you should keep the first chapter instead, as the beginning point. This prologue is slightly confusing at the moment, and ...

There is not a single thing in this poem that grounds it in reality. And that's why it fails. Sorry, you know I love you--you've been on YWS enough so ...

This poem used line breaks too much. And let's face it: Line breaks can be used for good or for evil. This critique, for example is using it for evil ...

This is a good example on how adjectives don't really describe anything. Clean, powerful, and pure? What is she? Clorox bleach? And then there are the ambiguous nouns. Needy? Weak? ...

1) Grammar is your friend. Make all your grammar make sense, and you'll be much better off. Okay, now that I said that, let's go on to the story, shall ...

The narrative is amusing, but it doesn't seem to go along with the dialogue and everytime the dialogue starts up (except for the end) the narrative seems to interrupt the ...

Another thing to consider! Right now, your poem sounds like you're in stop and go traffic. Which probably isn't good. Don't break up your poem with what you're feeling. Instead, ...

Nice poem! I like how you start off at an emergency room and slowly give out details as the poem progresses. One thing that you could probably tweak are these ...

This, believe it or not, has too much imagery. Did that make sense? Basically, right now you have a bunch of fluffy images just bouncing around. Rather demented fluffy images, ...

I have to agree with Colly here. The first stanza has too many "violent" words that intend to shock, but don't. It's only until the turkey comes about that you ...

I haven't critiqued fiction in a while, mostly because I haven't seen anything that interested me or was grammatically correct, and I am pleased that yours passed both tests! Mind ...

Read this before posting in the advanced forums. Remember, you have to upload it to the site. ;)