Snoink

Fun idea! ^____^ At the moment, I think this is a little too gimmicky. First of all, I would get rid of the periods after beep. I see what you're ...

I don't know if you are working on this poem still or whatever since it's a little old, but whatever! The thing that struck me is that it's a really ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D I don't think I have anything I am desperate for you to review, but if you want to check my work, you always can. ...

This is actually one of the better stories I've read on YWS in a while! *stars* Anyway, you have lovely grammar and a good sense of direction, which is wonderful ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! As you probably guessed, browsing through the forums and checking out our rules and guides , we really really like proper English. So make ...

I don't think this is as creepy as it could be. I mean, it does catch, but it's so ambiguous that it doesn't really show, if that makes sense. It's ...

Hello! I didn't read the prologue, but I don't usually read the prologues of stories, so perhaps it's better that way. ^_^ The first thing I noticed was that you ...

Aha! We love new stories. :) Since this a new idea and you envisioned it well, then I won't bother with the nit picky stuff. There are a couple of ...

Ahhh... this poem is much better than the last one I critiqued. :) Two things! Heat touches your lips as breath gushes past. The taste of sweat is cool; rolling ...

I really really like the second stanza, since it's simplistic and pleasing. Your first stanza, however, has too many metaphors and it seems cluttered. Plus, it doesn't sound pretty. If ...

Is it possible to not include this in the story? I say this because it's really really long and it doesn't look like it would fit in a story, at ...

Hello Mally! :D So I read your poem and it sounds kind of snazzy. I can see what you're doing to make it sound confused. You love to make it ...

Geep. You really didn't care about your story at all, did you? I mean, there's been no editing done to it whatsoever, so the grammar sucks, the spelling sucks, and ...

Hello there! I am an evil critiquer. :) No, seriously, I am evil, but I love you and I really do hope that my comments, however biting and horrible they ...

Poetry is not simply an outpour of an emotion, and anybody who tells you otherwise is a bad writer. :P If you do want to make this more poetic, consider ...