-
Re: Silence
Hey samasaurus! :D Nice story! Very touching. I like how she keeps on talking to Oliver... it reminds me of several widows, actually. Anyway, I would like to suggest showing ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: A Moment
Hey Gryphon! :D I just found this, thanks to freudianlisp, and I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story and all the characters. Even though the Bookworm ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Hiking
Hey Sarebear! :D First of all, I really like the jagged feeling of this... the poem is written in such a way that it is evident that the one hiking ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Collision Of Brothering Blood
Hey babymagic! :D Right now, you've started at a rather odd place! Most people would start at the beginning of the battle scene, not at the end. Mind you, it's ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Untitled-Perhaps the start of something Dark
Ooh, interesting story! :D A couple of things... I actually think that it would be better to start with a sex scene in the beginning. Why? First of all, it's ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: He who borrowed and didn't return
Ooh, I liked this. :D A couple of comments... I really don't like the hanging word that you have on every one of your stanzas. I would kill it, if ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Her Last Drink Is Coffee; two
Hey Hannah! I just found this. Soooo... I figured I would critique it! :P The dialogue is rather bleh. I generally like to see more action in between the dialogue, ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: The Ultimate Critique
Hey Tenyo! :D Sooooo... this piece. XD Yeah, basically, life doesn't translate well to fiction. What was that cliche... "stranger than fiction"? However, I think that you're pressing a little ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Clueless
Hey confused.pirate! Interesting idea! :D Now! Let's make it poetic! One of the cool things about poetry is that it's like the Looney Tunes... anything can happen! So instead of ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: The Modern Oracle pt. 1
Ahhh! My worst nightmare! Nah, just kidding. ;) Anyway, this story was interesting! I don't know though... starting off with a dream sequence sounds like kind of a cop-out for ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Kill Me Slowly
Hey stelagineva! :D I like your title a lot and the whole idea of being so in love that you just want to die... it's an interesting (albeit, masochistic) idea. ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Enlightened Destiny (by: Shizunarui)
Hey shizunarui! Welcome to YWS! :D Your story is very dramatic! It seems rather like a soap opera, in fact. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though... I definitely like ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Prologue
Hello BeautifulDoom! :D So, Bondgirl was right as far as the beginning goes! You're kind of contradicting yourself, so if you continue with this piece, you'll definitely want to edit ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Silent Screams
Hey allmixedup! :D First of all, there's a couple of typos in here that you can fix! For instance, "stutter" is spelled as "studder" and other typos. So just run ...
May 4, 2010 -
Re: Where I'm From
Hey Hawkie! :D First of all, nice images! I loved the specific images that you used... it helped formed a concrete image in my mind, which is always good! Now, ...
May 4, 2010
