SeraphTree

Gotcha. Sorry about that, I was just slightly worried. :D :D :D Oh, and I just went through all your work, so I didn't wait for a reply. Sorry. >

Yes, I understand that it's like kings and queens, that's why I suggested that you have it given to her in late childhood. That would make more sense, because being ...

???? I don't understand how that sentence is confusing, but I will see what I can do. XDXDXDXDXXDXDXDXD........XO If you lived up here, and that was the ONLY water you ...

OO" Please tell me that was a SMALL dictionary..... XDXDXD You're welcome. :D :D :D -.-* I did something like that with Songwood. Not showing enough emotion makes Kate a ...

Oh, I'm sorry :( I thought I had made it more clear. Eisen is Briind, and Wrhaden is Iistengel. Sorry. X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(

Sorry, I keep forgetting to reply X( No, you didn't repeat yourself. :D :D :D Last time you told my it was WAY too long >

Again, thank you for what you wrote. :) I didn't realize that my character was so shallow XDXDXDXDXDXDXD I'll work on that. Get into her head more, and try to ...

No, I made them up ^-^ I was inspired by the name Natsilane and others like it :D :D :D

THANK YOU!!!!! I was having trouble with this part, and I couldn't figure out why. Thank you for telling me!!!!!!!!!!!! ***I^o^I*** I'll just work on that now ^-^V

I notice you tell instead of show. I have that same problem. -.-" One thing that I wanted to point out... your character, Adalynn, looks an awful lot like Alanna ...

Thanks for all that you guys ^-^ I tried to rewrite some of it, which really helped, but it was one of those things where... well, I couldn't see what ...

Oops. I cut off at a bad spot. It sounds terrible. Sorry.*-.- Anyway, I'm curious of what happens next, and who the heck this guy is, and what happened to ...

Thanks everyone ^-^V All your advice was helpful. -.-" Yeah..... 'mortal' was a typo too. Now I keep thinking of a mortal and pistol XD Um, I haven't read the ...

Okay I don't know if this will help at all, but this is basically what I was trying to write. I think it fits your character pretty well: The Verve ...

It sounds good. A couple of things though. First, don't introduce too many characters at once. It leave us kind of confused about who the main character is. (Of course, ...