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SeraphTree

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Lycanthropy remake

    You need to space between paragraphs... including dialogue :)+:)=:D When you do that, I will be more than happy to review. :smt035

    Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:01 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Footpaths, Prelude

    This piece is really good. The only thing is that towards the end, it's confusing about who is doing what. Just a little clarification is needed there. :D

    Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:50 pm
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Return to the Top of the Wheel

    You need to space between paragraphs. :) As soon as you do that, I'd be more than happy to crit this piece :D:D:D:D:D :smt035

    Sun Dec 02, 2007 6:36 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Silent#1

    Speech is important for ruling a kingdom and without it you could be easily over thrown ... or considered a demon or witch ;) Soldiers came knocking on doors, looking ...

    Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:24 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Land of Sky, Land of Rain (Chapter Four)

    Hi :D:D:D:D:D:D:D All intruders are to be killed? What the hell is that all about? The villagers just glare straight ahead at me, and I can’t help but shudder a ...

    Sat Dec 01, 2007 10:34 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: My Untitled Piece of Work #1

    :thud: We have no details here. Where are these people? Is the sky lavender? Is the horse spotted? (These are just examples :D) She sat upon a mighty, noble steed. ...

    Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:34 am
  • Short Story » General, General Re: No title yet, any sugestions welcome

    Okay… looks like I can crit after all. Lawrence blinked the sleep out of his eyes. It was hard to stay awake in an environment as the one he was ...

    Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:16 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Giant Wolves/Elements Ch. 7

    CHAYONZ!!!!!!!!!! :elephant: :smt039 So good to hear from you! I was beginning to get worried.... :D Tradhalem was much bigger than Rovenhold and metal barred gates surrounded the city, but ...

    Fri Nov 30, 2007 11:25 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: In The Midst of Chaos - Chapter 3

    Okay, I'm back........ sorry about that X( Silence had earned Markali another set of lashings. The smell of the blood covering his back and pooling on the cell floor around ...

    Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:42 am
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Under The Wooden Floor

    V^o^V Atop of a big green hill there was a house. This house was a big house. There where over 35 rooms. Its was enormous. In this house there lived ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:45 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Dragons Part I

    I agree with Gwen. There is so little to go on, we're left very much in the dark. X( Also...... I wouldn't jump in with the statement that 'dragons are ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:15 pm
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Wild Heart chap1 part1

    I didn't read through it all... :smt011 but I can tell that this piece needs more thought bubbles and dialogue. You said you're tired of it???? Why don't you write ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:13 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Thomas Pinewood: Gregory & Elizabeth

    First, this sounds WAY too much like Harry Potter. I suggest you change some things. :) William said calmly; as the man turned slowly, still kneeling to fully face them, ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:58 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: The Anthro Society

    Hmmm. It's a bit rushed, and in the middle you switch to Reok's point of view. I suggest you drag it out more. Kill us with suspense. That's always interesting.... ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:22 am
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Night of the Living Pony: Part Two

    Okay... Im' back. :D:D I looked to the ground and was not surprised to see a life-size plastic pony prancing about on the grass. “We need your help!” she hissed. ...

    Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:07 am


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain