Sam

THE EXTREMELY CRITICAL HORRIBLE PART [FOR SECTION ONE]: Hey, you requested it... 1) Your first sentence needs some dialogue doctoring. Why? This is the first impression we get of Speederman ...

Ooh, thanks, Fishr! I've changed a quite a few of the grammatical/structural things already, and everything is sounding quite nice. :D You got the characters dead on...except for one thing: ...

Oh, dear! I totally forgot to thank you properly! So...sentence revision is in order! Let me go get my machete...(deep breath taken here). I'm not really sure what I'm going ...

But! I was young and stupid! :P

*pats head* I'm sorry for insulting you.

The kind of people who don’t exist, you mean? BWAHAHAHA! ...I should totally put that in there. It’s like you just sat down and said, “Well I am going to ...

Thanks, MH! I was going for a Christopher Guest sort of thing- something happens, and then all the people vaguely involved comment on it in their own way. (Of course, ...

Thanks, Jiggy! I most certainly will revise that sounded awkward to me even as I was writing it. :P And...oh dear. I really do have too many 'sort of's. Bad ...

Thank you guys for getting it so quickly! By the way- if anyone can think up a good priest name, do tell me. I've just realized 'Father Thompson' is the ...

I did really like that image of summer being merely a mindset in a place where it's always sort of lazy and warm...other than that, it was pretty short to ...

Well, if it's an assignment...turn it in as is and your teacher will still be extremely impressed! Hehe...though it seems far too complex an idea to be for school. Is ...

Well, that's certainly a good thing. :wink: However...appeal to the MC's senses? I'm totally new to the omnipotent viewpoint, so how would I do something like that? Thanks for reading!

Oh my...we certainly don't have any superflous people here , do we?

Oooh, excellent! I knew it was too good to be...untrue. :P Just please, for the love of God, let us know next time. :wink:

OMGZ!!!!! This wuz sooooooo soooo awwwwsome GOOD WORK! plz write more soooon. Or I'm like gonna cry lolz