Rydia

I like the description in this piece and your choice of adjectives is really good. The indention is also really effective and I can't see much wrong with this so ...

It's called a Rondelet.

I would agree with that criticism except that it's the style of the poem I was experimenting with. The format is - 4 syllables 8 syllables repeat line 1 8 ...

The rhythm of this poem is really good and I like how it draws the reader in. I love the final line, it's very emotional and the whole extended metaphor ...