Rydia

Hey there, apparently I'm here to give you a little advice on description but before that, here's the line by line: ”Negative” [You need a full stop here.] I lifted ...

Husky - Thank you, my dear. I'm very glad that you enjoyed it =) Sadie - There isn't a baby? The body at the beginning is that of his half ...

You've made some good improvements. Just two minor suggestions this time: Adam sat down in the chair and we bound him to [s]the[/s] it. I stayed by his side as ...

An apple pip is those little brown pips that you find in the core of apples. They're sort of like seeds and I love threading them into my poetry because ...

That's some great advice, Colly! Thank you, I'll see if I can make some of those lines a little stronger. I think I've got some real solid ideas on how ...

Buggs: Thank you! It's so nice to be getting so much encouragement, I'm glad you liked it =) Sapphire: That's okay, compliments are great too and even just that little ...

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it =)

Thanks for the critiques all! It's lovely to have so many responses already =) White Velvet: There's eight syllables for each line but I know what you mean about it ...

Just a brief note on chapter five: This was a good chapter and one of my favourites so far but at the same time, I had trouble remembering which characters ...

Part three: Uno: You provide a very interesting definition of what it is to be homeless but it feels so distant and so intellectual that it doesn't quite touch the ...

Part two: Uno: There's some really clever trains of thought in this paragraph but I think it's a little too much. There again, it depends on who your intended reader ...

Ringo - Thanks for reading it and trust me, there's no YWS food chain, some of us have just been around a little longer than others. You're right, the rhyme ...

Kalli - Thank you so much! That really helps me see where the weakest sections are; I'm forever in your debt. If you want a critique in exchange or even ...

*Huggles* It's very helpful, dear. I'll try and make more edits later this week. There's something about it that doesn't feel quite right... but at least I have you guys ...

Thank you everyone! MrMarathon - The rhyme with 'pass' wasn't intentional though the rest was. Pass just seemed to fit quite snugly but I can see how it's all a ...