Rydia

Hi there, it appears I've found a piece of your work =) Okay, well I liked this poem but the rhythm is a little out in places and some lines ...

I really liked this and I'm a down to Earth sort of girl so if you still need that paper weight I'm right here. I love the imagery of the ...

Hello again. I think you meant this one, yes? Okay... It is a time when old meets new. When horse meets car, and sword meets gun. History [s]was[/s] is becoming ...

Hello again! Okay, let's get my little suggestions out of the way first and then I'll give you a few general comments - Below that building was the actual Senate ...

I think the mistakes have all been caught and I liked all the different view points in this piece. Don't do that too often though. Concentrate on the main characters ...

This has some potential but I have a few suggestions - A image of a young man in his early twenties appeared. [Should be 'An' rather than 'A'] “See you ...

There's a lot of information in such a short prologue and so many new names but that's okay because a lot of science fiction is like that. I know very ...

The rhythm and rhyme were really irregular and, even though you were going for that effect, it didn't quite work. Also, I was really hoping for the cryptic message. Perhaps ...

Hello again! A lot of your action is rather sudden and you might want to work on that. I was rather horrified at how casual your characters were about the ...

The visual aids are nice but shouldn't be necessary with a piece of writing. You need to take a chance to describe your characters. Not all at once of course ...

Okay, you've probably gathered that I have a bit of time on my hands so I'm going to make quite a lot of suggestions... “I has your name on it, ...

Fortunate for you, I'm in a morbid, slit your wrists kind of mood myself. I liked this. Your dialogue is good. There is an awkwardness that fits the moment and ...

I found this quite interesting but, like others have mentioned, the dialogue wasn't great. Love the description of the girl. Rather twisted but good and it's nice that you didn't ...

Hello again! I think I like Kiera very much. She's certainly my favourite female character so far and makes a good companion for Brad, yes? Anyway, a few suggestions - ...

I like this. Some of your description is really good and you have a nice variety of sentence lengths. I'd be really interested to see where you go from here ...