Rydia

Hi there. You have a wonderful poem here! A few suggestions - Heart of the Desert A wind blows by, carrying a burden of myths, [I think a semi colon ...

Hi there! You appear to be new so welcome to the site! Would you mind reviewing a few other people's work before you post more of your own? Only we ...

Hmmm. This was too short for a reader to get much out of it and you need more description. For example, I'm unsure as to the gender of your persona. ...

Hi there Smorg! I think I'll give you a crit on this one while the script is still fresh in my mind but I'll see if I have time to ...

Hmm. I like the idea you've used here, quite an original style but I think your rhythm needs to be more regular for it to work. Also, your imagery is ...

This one shall have to be brief but in general, I like the change in Khor and here's your corrections - At first [s]feeling[/s] Khor felt panic that eventually subsided ...

A nice calm instalment to space out the action. Good idea. A few suggestions - I believe they are [s]going[/s] heading for the Selsean Mountains.” He stared out once more ...

Hello again! A good section. I like the slightly awkward conversation about Rakara and the part with the lamp was good. Very little to fault this time, though you could ...

Very good though you do have to make sure the romance doesn't move too fast and don't let it consume your story but try not to lose it either. Lol. ...

An excellent section. A good range of emotions in this piece, some interesting action and a nice new character. Good dialogue, nice description and just a few typos and such ...

I like the idea of having the dragons pull the plane but seriously, this is too parallel to Harry Potter. You've made it so that the dragons are invisible, your ...

Hello again! It's quite hard to work out the order of these sections. At the moment, I'm going by the date you posted it but this seems to come before ...

He had never been there before but William seemed to know the route the same way as if he were heading home, memorized. [This is awkward. Maybe '...but William seemed ...

I think you had some lovely description in this section but it needs work. Some of your sentences are very confusing and it's hard to follow your plot, the way ...

Hello again! I think you have some good descriptions of the snow and such here but try not to info dump - most of that first paragraph is information that ...