Rydia

A few small suggestions first - “Matthew?” He looks up at me, his brown eyes boring into mine. [You've used this imagery before when with the father and it doesn't ...

A few quick suggestions first - She would read Matty bedtime stories before he went to fell asleep [This is awkward. Perhaps 'before he went to sleep' or you could ...

A few typos first - I started wal k ing towards her. She looked confused for a second, then the fear struck her. I saw he r hands tremor slightly. ...

Just one grammar issue I'd like to point out - The battle had stopped when both teams stop ped firing at each other. I think you had some excellent dialogue ...

I have to be honest and say I didn't really like this. I found it simple and a little unoriginal. At first, I thought there was going to be some ...

Hmmm. I'm not sure where to form an opinion on this one though I can answer the question about rating for you easily enough - anything with the word 'cum' ...

A few brief suggestions first - Curdled moonlight writhed on the blade as she held it [s]on[/s] high. Isaria's patience rose. [I think you mean fell or decreased. Anger would ...

This is good, you have some very strong characters, but I think the realism of it and the general narrative need some work. There's some lovely descriptions at the beginning ...

You have an interesting plot, the base of some good characters and a lot of action but it doesn't quite flow. Rather than starting where she's rowing towards the boat ...

"What the hell?" he asked, hearing me grunt as they dropped me roughly on what I could only assume was a [s]piled[/s] pile of things they’d just stolen from our ...

This section is much better and more like your prologue. The description is beautiful and the characterization of the director is perfect. In fact, there is very little to fault. ...

This part wasn't as good as your first. The style of writing and description are still excellent but the info dumping was not. I think you're trying to condense too ...

Hey there, just a few small suggestions first - She noticed he was sweating as she glanced back to the road before her, mentally readying herself for the battle to ...

I have to agree with Colly here. This poem is sweet but it verges on the unoriginal. It's nice and it's well written and it's one of those poems that ...

That was... unexpected. In a good way though. I think killing off D made the story a little more realistic. But even in a comedy, the reader needs to be ...