Rydia

Falling in Flames Short story by Lewis Beach As our four Sopwith squadron flew over the French countryside [Comma here.] we noticed the large grey balloons rising slowly from behind ...

I’m not entirely sure why it is that people insist that success smells sweet. What I must rank as my greatest success did not smell sweet. It smelt of salted ...

Chapter One Gypsy had read the letter almost twenty times since it had arrived that morning. [Phrases like this bug me and they're not very dramatic. I'd suggest that you ...

I'm a nasty critiquer so I'm going to start off negatively and say you need more punctuation! But I always try to be fair and I have to admit that ...

This chapter has improved greatly =) Before I rather disliked the fortune telling scene because it felt too stereotypical to me but it's more original now and you have some ...

Dearest Donny, Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming to see me. [This isn't the most wonderful of beginnings. It just sounds like your average thank you letter. It ...

Hello again! This chapter is probably one of my favourites. I love the image of all these girls surrounded by needles, thread and fabric and chattering amongst themselves. I think ...

Cychwyn ar daith We left Londlow early the next day. It was warm, with a tiny wind that whipped up strands of the cart - horse’s mane and blew dust ...

Mesa State College April 8, 2000 [I think this would be better as either April 8th, 2000 or 08/04/2000 or possibly 8th April, 2000.] Grand Junction, Colorado [Maybe put the ...

My turn! Hello there, it's nice to meet you. Snoink has done you a lovely line by line I see so I'll give you some general advice instead: 1. Rhyme ...

Hello, dear! Sorry this is taking me so long but I've finally found a lull in my schedule. I'll post you a critique every other day now until you have ...

Hey there, Tiff! This is an interesting poem. A little vague and the emotion could be stronger but I love the concept behind it. Let me start with a line ...

Out of Focus It's dark. The clouds hang low in the sky, painting the world like an old photograph. The sun can't break through. [Awww. What happened to his little ...

You should really number your chapters in the title, Dynamo. It will make it easier for people to navigate them. Chapter 3: When Dynamo opened his eyes [Comma here.] he ...

Hey there, apparently I'm here to give you a little advice on description but before that, here's the line by line: ”Negative” [You need a full stop here.] I lifted ...