I've Come So Far

I definitely saw where you were going with the emotion, but
like someone else said, it could be a little stronger.
The line, "my only anchor to this earth," really stands out.
More imagery like that could really get the point across.

Very creepy, nice length, and thought provoking. Thank you!
RG

Hi, Easy! Sorry this is a little late, but I've been a little busy lately. ^^;

Grammar and First Impressions

The few moments he is gone,

when I am free of him.

I cling to them— like they are

my only anchor to this earth, [I rather liked this metaphor!]

When I don’t hear that

sickening laugh in my ear,

don't feel his breath on my cheek.

I cling to them, [no comma]

because the moment they are gone,

[s]so am I[/s] I am too.

Then in one horrifying instant,

when I close my eyes to

rest my tired body,

he is back.

His maniacal laughter [s]haunting[/s] haunts me, [semi instead]

his rank breath [s]filling[/s] fills my nostrils.

My skin crawls all over, [semi instead]

I shake, shiver, tremble.

His phantom hands brutalize me

once more.

I cry, cower, hide—

reaching for my few moments,

when I can tell myself

"I’ve come so far."

LOL. Build creepiness.

I agree - it could use some more power, but the general poem is quite nice, and pleasant to read.

...

Not in that way D:

I have to agree on the 1st comment but over all good

Hey there, Tiff! This is an interesting poem. A little vague and the emotion could be stronger but I love the concept behind it. Let me start with a line by line:

He’s not there every time
I close my eyes anymore. [I think your beginning could be stronger. These opening two lines need to draw your reader in, you need to convince them to keep reading. Perhaps something like:

'I can close my eyes
and he's no longer there,
not hanging in the distance,
feeding on the dark.'

I think you need something with a bit more description and a little more atmosphere. You have to make us hate this 'he' and you have to show us her fear and hatred of him.]

I don’t feel his hands on
my skin each time I move. [Good but how did his hands feel on her skin? Were they rough hands or were they cold? Did they scratch at her skin or did they press into her, leaing indents along her body. Try to chill your reader, try to show them a scene from her past; what's inside her head.]
I don’t feel the need to vomit
when I look in the mirror anymore. [Maybe try a different approach. Perhaps something like:

'I used to feel the need to vomit;
retch out the contents of my stomach
so the outside could look as bad
as I'd feel.
No more. Not anymore.']

I’ve come so far.

The few moments he is gone,
when I am free of him.
I cling to them— [s]like they are [/s]
my only anchor to this earth, [I think you nee a full stop here.]
When I don’t hear that
sickening laugh in my ear,
don't feel his breath on my cheek. [Maybe an ellipse here. I think that would fit nicely.]
I cling to them,
because the moment they are gone,
so am I.

I’ve come so far. [I like the repetition of this line. It works nicely.]

He was gone from my mind,
exempt from every thought.
Then in one horrifying instant,
when I close my eyes to
rest my tired body,
he is back.
His maniacal laughter haunting me,
his rank breath filling my nostrils. [I think you should make more use of the pure present tense here. Maybe change those last two lines to:

'His maniacal laughter haunts me,
his rank breath fills my nostrils.']

I’ve come so far.

My skin crawls all over,
I shake, shiver, tremble.
His phantom hands brutalize me
once more.
I cry, cower, hide—
reaching for my few moments,
when I can tell myself
"I’ve come so far." [I love this last stanza and I like the creepiness of this, how he comes back to affect her even those he's gone, even though he's dead. Am I right in assuming that's what's going on?]