Rydia

“You want to chill out, Pet? You’re going to break your plates.” I think he almost threw the third plate at me, the way he held it in his hand ...

“hrm?” Nonchalance, as always, he’d have said, if everything had been normal. [Did you mean to use 'hrm' only it doesn't seem quite natural so I expect you meant hmm.] ...

I don't have enough suggestions for this chapter to do a line by line so I'll just quote sections: A woman in a red coat burst through the [s]cafe[/s] café ...

Ahoy my dear! Okay so I shall start with a line by line and work my way around to general points =) A man. They float by, pretty [Here's my ...

“Hey now, hey now.” Peter grabbed a tissue from behind the counter and handed it to me, looking slightly frantic. “It’s all right, breathe.” I could feel my cheeks heating ...

Ruth Etting woke me at 6am, my back screaming to be bent out of the awkward position I’d left it in. Looking down at my arms, I realised I’d fallen ...

“There’s no clarity in conscience.” Daryl always ignored the beauty in thought, plunging straight to the core of anything we spoke on. I ask him about the devil, and he ...

So with NaNoWriMo over, I'm back to my critique list! I don't know if you're still wanting comments on this but hey, a critique never hurts. If nothing else, it ...

Just a quick note on your layout first. You should leave double lines between each paragraph and speech, like this, just because it looks a little neater and spaces your ...

So with NaNoWriMo over, I'm back to my critique list! I don't know if you're still wanting comments on this but hey, a critique never hurts. If nothing else, it ...

So with NaNoWriMo over, I'm back to my critique list! I don't know if you're still wanting comments on this but hey, a critique never hurts. If nothing else, it ...

Hey there, dear! First allow me to say you have a lovely title and this is very well written so most of my advice to you is going to be ...

Hey hey! So here's your well earned review my dear and I hope it helps you out a little: First, let's take a look at that title you have. There's ...

I think Matt changes quite a lot over the series. Mostly in subtle ways admittedly but his sense of humour is much darker towards the end and he's much stronger ...

Punch He punched me in the face. [Good strong start. Nice use of sentence structure.] He stood right there in his Armani suit and all his lawyer glory and threw ...