Rubric

You've got a fair few punctuation errors here, a few spelling ones too, but overall the piece is constructed well enough. "think Thieves and Murderous psycho’s are scary " you ...

I think the problem you may have here is that it's difficult to develop characters such as gods in a non-archetypal way. As a quick question; are you planning on ...

Pullman has been described as the anti- CS Lewis and to be honest I have to agree. The only reason I wouldn't call him a better author is because he's ...

"Also, some of the fairies stared at me " You don't need also for this new sentence. Since Glow is going to be important/magical or whatever you could capitalise it, ...

This is well written, there's nothing to really pick at here. but... "When every person is but a child" You can easily use "When I was but a child" because ...

Righto, before I start, it's a good idea and don't get put off by what are really minor details. 'Gaia, 10,000 years ago' Personally I think this kind of theing ...

Jus behaviourally; wouldn' a hawk tak a kill a safe place before eating it? Eating the sentry outside the warren would expose it to unneccesary danger. "glinted in excitement" Is ...

Dark Much? I'm not exactly sure what you're saying all the time here, obviously you might be trying to avoid...graphic detail, but sometimes you're shuffling between cryptic and downright uninformativ

You have a good introduction but the thing that strikes me right away is that you're using first person narration. This is great but as I gather your protagonist is ...

AS most modern vampiric are drawn from stokers research and imgination, the book is definitely worth reading simply to see where it all originated, and to grasp how more modern ...

“It would certainly be in his behaviour to do so” Perhaps replace with “certainly be in his fashion”, or “certainly match his previous behaviour”, as “in his behaviour” makes little ...

Just my two cents on the rather lumpish explanation on the first Goblin War, but you don't need it here. There's no need to explain the backstory this early, and ...