RowanHowler

Hello, I think you have an interesting idea, and the bare bones of a great plot. The character has an interesting, tried and true story of avenging his parent's which ...

Hello, Comments: He was a frog that had originally been a tadpole.- oh my gosh that was funny! After your build up it was especially comical. I like the faintly ...

Hello, Things To Consider: My dad said later that she’d seemed petrified.- you could take this out since it seems obvious from her behavior. That night I got a long ...

Hello, One of the things that makes this story so endearing is that it is real, the girl's mannerisms make her charming in an instant and I for one now ...

The plot sounds interesting but needs a little more developing. I would warn you to focus a lot more on things beside this boy's physical beauty if you want the ...

Hello, Mechanics Make sure you capitalize your "i"'s and only break to a new paragraph if a new person is speaking, or a new subject occurs. Only use Ellipses once ...

Hello, Cecily is a very interesting looking character, and I like that she's not outright beautiful. I think her characterization was mostly angry, and if this is a short story ...

Hello, Resting against the scolding shell- I think you want scalding Overall, I do want to read on, which is great and the main purpose of a first chapter. It ...

Hello, A town with a very, very rich history.- very is a word that can be taken out whenever it is used and only strengthen writing. It means (very) little. ...

Hello, Your beginning caught my attention because the main character, in present tense is very direct. However, I think you will need to be very original and make your character ...

Hello, I think you do a good job with emotions, I can clearly feel the main character's misery and fear in the very beginning, and her parents aren't far behind. ...

Hello, Great job with vocabulary! Oddly enough, my suggestion is to cut back on more complex or less common words to make it easier to understand ex-"adroitly", "misdemeanors". As you ...

Hello, I think this has great potential for teen fiction! I do, however, have a lot of suggestions which you can look over and see if you agree with. I ...

Ah sarcasm, my second language. I agree with you on almost every point here. I don't think i was born to it, but maybe molded slowly. Sarcasm is indeed a ...

Hello, I liked the premise of this piece, but as you say, it needs some fleshing out and editing. I suppose an explanation of how the fire started is foremost, ...