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Re: Health Is Wealth
This piece makes a really good point about the dangers of smoking. In a very dramatic way. XD 'and inhale fresh air before continuing...' I must comment on the fact ...
Dec 25, 2013 -
Re: Alone, always
The title drew me to this piece. Also, in the description you said you are feeling alone like all that time. And that's sad. I want you to know you're ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Devastation in Tears
Even though this piece ends with a rhetorical question, it's a little bit miserable. 'Should I even try?' The title was pretty bleak, but that was strangely what drew me ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Walls (Prolouge)
I have to be picky: YOU SPELT PROLOGUE WRONG! XDDDDDDDDDD Now for the work: After reading, I can't decide whether your protagonist is male or female? And there is no ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Simple Hello
I feel like the punctuation and grammar is a bit sketchy in this piece. I wouldn't normally mention this first, but it detracts from the overall content, because I keep ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Not Very Good at Strangling [warning: strong language, graphic imagery]
Clearly this piece has come from the persona of a deranged mind. However, I feel like there are some irrelevant details included, or rather, ideas that don't really make much ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Come Along, Pond
I'm not exactly sure who the characters are in this piece. But does it matter? NOT AT ALL! I think your characterisation of them through name choices and action description ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Home, The Long Way Round
This is a really pretty poem. It's full hope and I want to say light. Lines like this: 'I'm going to the planet with the orange sky To the planet ...
Dec 24, 2013 -
Re: Edge
I think the formatting of this piece is absolutely amazing! The way in which you convey your ideas in this piece are spectacular. My favourite line: 'She would adapt. That ...
Dec 22, 2013 -
Re: Wishes in White, Beauties of Spite: Chapter I [Kate]
The premise behind this story is good. I like the introduction at the beginning, although didn't give too much away in explanation. :) I feel there should be some punctuation ...
Dec 22, 2013 -
Re: Basket Case
Ok, so this work really documents the grieving process accurately. It's very impressive. You begin by acknowledging the refusal stage: 'I'm too stubborn to accept that you're gone.' My favourite ...
Dec 22, 2013 -
Re: Vampiric; Chapter Four
Firstly: the names you have chosen for your characters: Sirena and Francois etc. are absolutely perfect. :) Good choices. I love that there is humour in the piece and it ...
Dec 22, 2013 -
Re: Twelve Days Of Depression
You must really hate Christmas! Lulz. I have no idea what possessed you to write this, but it is strangely quite humorous, and to say I can relate would be ...
Dec 21, 2013 -
Re: Dangerous Guns
Ok. Typo: 'wit rage' Unless you're going gangsta, I think that was with. Now, I have put the criticism first, because it is the ONLY thing I want to pick ...
Dec 21, 2013 -
Re: Chapter 1 - Fear
First of all, I'm not exactly sure why the whole thing is in italics? It is a little bit annoying to read in this way. Your opening quote: 'Isn't it ...
Dec 21, 2013
