Home is where the radio is
Paradise is where I am
I miss his cigarettes...His mess
He said "I am smoking the last one"
I'm going to make him crazy
Rage, rage, rage
Rage, fury, rage
Nobody will be able to hurt me again
I will defeat pain with rage, my love
He cheated on me
He humiliated me
I am lost, baby, I am lost
But then with one kiss
I'd forgive him everything
He left me without a word
But he had forgotten his gun
I thought "Do i have to shoot myself?Or him?"
But then I found myself in front of a mirror
And then I started to brush my hair like this...
Stroke, stroke... My curls melted away
And then I tought "Why I have to reach exactly 100?"
Because in the hundredth stroke...
My hair was back to being straight
I looked again
He had no power over me
Baby, I have changed
I'm not that little girl anymore
I was a different person
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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129,465 Literary Works • 671,506 Reviews
Wassup wassup wassup, this is Ossum for a review ^-^
So I liked the imagery of this piece. That is my favorite part because, well, I'm a sucker for being able to see things. Now I will say one thing t critique it on, is the fact that you put this under lyrical. Not that is necessarily the problem as it may, but when a reader thinks lyrics, they think songs and choruses, and certain flow patterns.
This piece has the flow of a poem, a great poem at that though.
I also want to say that you have a knack for addressing the issue on suicide after a break up. Needless to say the focus of a gun to turning away from it is powerful. And you should be proud to have come up with such a viewpoint. Keep it up ^-^
Ok. Typo: 'wit rage' Unless you're going gangsta, I think that was with.
Now, I have put the criticism first, because it is the ONLY thing I want to pick at with this piece.
Other than that, I love:
1. the title
2. the use of an image
3. the concept
4. the way in which the piece was written, my favourite line being: 'But he had forgotten his gun' - there is something so cheeky about it.
You have a great voice for writing this kind of week. I am impressed. Good work.
Keep writing.