Young Writers Society

Wassup wassup wassup, this is Ossum for a review ^-^

So I liked the imagery of this piece. That is my favorite part because, well, I'm a sucker for being able to see things. Now I will say one thing t critique it on, is the fact that you put this under lyrical. Not that is necessarily the problem as it may, but when a reader thinks lyrics, they think songs and choruses, and certain flow patterns.

This piece has the flow of a poem, a great poem at that though.

I also want to say that you have a knack for addressing the issue on suicide after a break up. Needless to say the focus of a gun to turning away from it is powerful. And you should be proud to have come up with such a viewpoint. Keep it up ^-^

Ok. Typo: 'wit rage' Unless you're going gangsta, I think that was with.

Now, I have put the criticism first, because it is the ONLY thing I want to pick at with this piece.

Other than that, I love:
1. the title
2. the use of an image
3. the concept
4. the way in which the piece was written, my favourite line being: 'But he had forgotten his gun' - there is something so cheeky about it.

You have a great voice for writing this kind of week. I am impressed. Good work.
Keep writing.