Rei

Definitely continue. It's all right t leave certain stories unfinished, but only if you've given the reader enough so that s/he can piece together what might happen next. Here, you ...

Chapter one: You've still got some sentences that are way too long. Think of the shortest sentense you have have while still saying the same thing. I still don't get ...

Once again, the voice is way to formal. This time it did take away from the believability of the character. And don't you think after fourteen years, they might have ...

Pretty good. A nice introduction to what promises to be a very interesting story. There are a couple of awkward sentences, though you can hardly notice them. I thought the ...

Honestly, this is very dull. I can tell it was written very academically, and there was a lot of thought put into it, but it's very bland. The use of ...

I also didn't get into this. It was really lacking in several areas. Your opening paragraph were good, but once the dialogue began, the quality of the narrative dropped considerably. ...

I think Griffinkeeper pretty much said most of what you need to know. I only read half of this because I couldn't follow what was happening. Your first few paragraphs ...

Very nice. I loved your use of language in this. Very simple, yet very elegant. There are some really great images and ideas here. But I felt that there wasn't ...

Definitely not crap. However, did sound like you were trying too hard to sound poetic and vague. You know, being literary to the point where it no longer sounds like ...

What you need to do is scrap this and start all over again. You're rushing into it. It's a fairly standard premis for a science fiction novel, but there's nothing ...

I'd say this is a pretty decent start. Definitely creates a lot of curiosity about what will happen next. However, I thought there were a few things you could have ...

This is more of a piece of creative non-fiction rather than fiction. But it's a good start. I can tell you really understand what you're writing about. However, I would ...

A decent beginning. All right ideas. However, you could be a little more concise in your use of language, especially during the dream, and sound less like you were using ...

Yes, indeed it was very graphic, but also very powerful. This really transported me into the place you're describing. I think it needs to be this graphic, or else it ...

As was already said, what is needed is more background. I didn't really get who these characters were. I mean, I got the basics, but they didn't feel real to ...