Pidgin_Princess

You've got a deep, beautiful piece coming along. but some parts are too wordy, others not enough, and this makes it confusing. sorry, again would love to do a line ...

that was a great poem, but it didn't flow very well and got kinda murky in places. as much as i'd like to do a line-by-line, i gotta run.

Neato! That's really cool- i wish i could hear it to music! maybe I'll have my music genious friend do it... anyways, could ya add some more verses?? It doesn't ...

um... ok... that was wierd. sorry but it was. It just seems dry. I'm not feeling this person's pain, or feeling disturbed by their thoughts.

that. was. amazing! wow, now if only I could put my thoughts into words like that... the only criticism i can give is it would be a good idea to ...

Thanks Snoink! I submitted it now, so I won't be needing any more help. I'll post my next one, though!

revised ending: Now I'm standing here, five years later, at the very site of the tragedy. I don't notice the solemn passerby as I stare at Ky's sixth-grade picture. I ...