I'm a killer

Are you sure you feel allright?
You...write disturbing things.

I've killed everyone close to me
So they aren't here for me now.
No one cares about me, but...
Would you love your son's killer?

So if you came at me
With a knife in your hand
I wouldn't hate you...
But I might break your neck.

Kind of wierd but in a cool way...

Hm...interasting. Kinda scary though. I like this quite a bit.

I like your plot. In the eyes of the killer was a good twist.

I think there can be a little room for improvment, but over all this was good.

Keep up the good work,

-- M.B.Author

Hmm... I haven't to second Pros, though his first sentence seems terribly dramatic? heh.

The issue with this is: what makes it a poem and not a story in a verse form? I could focus on the lack of imagery, metaphors, the blandness of it, the emotionlessness, but I won't because really it's a confused story in a poem. I'm not sure how I can critique this poem, but for further poems, give a thought to poetic devices. Think about your poetry in the shape of words, not stories. Poetry (and really, all written art, but more so poetry) is about using words artistically, to paint a picture, not just to tell.

I hope that made sense? Sorry if it didn't. ^^; If not, you know where to come find me! It was kind of a random ramble. Er. Sorry. XD

This poem had me searching for a warm tub and a straight-razor.

It's was almost but not quite teenage emo-angst. (the first two stanza's anyway)
Then after that, it got progressively more broken up and darker.

Unfortunately, I think it wasn't emotional at all. I think it blandly and momotonally told a story and lemented, without making the reader sympathyze at all with the poet.

Sorry I couldn't be more optimistic.
Good luck next time,
Pros

Wow, I liked this, but at first I was gonna complain 'cause I thought it was going to be one of those EMOtional and depressing poems that make me think - UGH! But no, you spun that all around, like Kylie.

I liked the emotion that you did feed into the poem and I could feel the anger and perhaps regret that the author was trying to put across - could even start to build up a profile for them.

The poem is pretty dark too, that's always good, and I enjoyed this greatly.

It flowed well, the structure was good and the imagery was wonderful. Keep on at it. : )

I understand it, but the image in my mind wasn't so strong, perhaps some metaphors would improve it, unless the fact that there are no metaphors is meant to add to the coldness?

Otherwise I like the plot, aside from the killing it seems that those are the very thoughts in my head during almost every lunch time or moments when I'm idle

I also enjoyed the conversational style, other than the fact that the use of "Like we haven't heard that one before." Didn't do the poem justice but didn't lessen it too much. Something could replace that but I can't think right now :p

Good idea, but it could be much more powerful.

ok, that was sad and scary, i only hope it isnt your true feelings, while reading it , it just seemed very cold, the person was very cold. if that is what you were aiming for it worked. you write very well, you had me reading it to the end. good job.

i also think that it is sad, but weird in a way that i cant explain.
and im not dead and i hope that i wont be soon.
you are awsome so ill hug you. *hugs* hiya i gots me a sword! ok that was random.

*hugs* It's really good and really sad.

P.S. You haven't killed everyone close to you, I'm well alive. And I'm always here for you.


-Rick

L4 of S1 explains the basic flaw of the entire poem. How ironic

-Evang.

um... ok... that was wierd. sorry but it was. It just seems dry. I'm not feeling this person's pain, or feeling disturbed by their thoughts.