PenNPaper

Hi PenNPaper here to review! He shook his head, long unbound hair spilling in silken waves So the MCs grandfather has long hair, I don't think you mentioned that in ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! A little tension came creeping back into Ishmael, at that. Okay...sounds like an incomplete sentence to me, maybe add in the word 'moment' after 'that'? ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Kenya Kenyah Kenyah Throughout the first part of the story, her name was Kenya, then it changed to Kenyah, I thought it was just a ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! Nice going with this, I liked it. nodded to the driver. Driver? Maybe pilot if you wanted it to be an helicopter. Okay this story ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! the Alley Small letter A, unless it is a name. city ,he The comma should be just after city and a space before he. That ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! "Yes," The The 'T' from 'The' should be in small letter. itself." A A comma after 'itself' and 'A' should be in small letter too. ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! Very well written, no punctuation or grammatical mistakes or whatsoever. You could described how Gwen got to heaven, you just jump straight to the scene ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! Short, sweet, fantastic! I loved this so much, it was so full of suspense, great job with that! Although you had no characters, no dialogue, ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! The moon reflected in a mirror that was hung loose on the cracked walls in the old house How about rephrasing it to be 'The ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! There were not much mistakes I spotted, but please start the dialogue with a new paragraph, it is less confusing that way. You did not ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! Jets flew past their roars A comma between 'past' and 'their'. This is really happening we're about to take place in the greatest human slaughter ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! height He A period if you want to start a new sentence. You do not have many mistakes which is good. Though you did not ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! I repeat I need back up!” There should be a comma after 'repeat'. in or keep on going, It is a question, so it should ...

Hi, PenNPaper here to review! "Lainey? We are ready to go." I heard A comma after 'go'. out of they're 'They're' means 'They are', it should be 'Their'. made they're ...

Hi PenNPaper here to review! her body crying uncontrollable tears How can a body cry tears? Maybe you wanted to say her eyes? “Your Mrs. McHale’s son?” 'You're' not 'Your'. ...