This is the prologue to my first story on this forum. I hope you enjoy it.
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The alleyway was deserted as far as Luke could see. In the dead of night he scurried farther and farther into the alley. An alley said to be a meeting place of criminals, and young business men. His light feet softly touched the cobblestone path as he ventured further into the darkness. He had come not expecting a welcome, or to leave any evidence he was here. If he was caught by either the police or Mark, the Con Man responsible for the crime in this city, he was as good as dead.
Echoing across the walls came a sound Luke did not want to hear, the sound of footsteps. He pressed his back across the wall, a horrid smell issued from it, most likely from the drugs that were hidden in the crevices. The sound stopped, Luke guessed they had went inside one of the many criminal hide outs. Gathering his courage he continued on. Finally at the end of the ally he knelt to the ground, searching for another lead.
“No, he couldn’t have gotten here first. He couldn’t hav-”
The air was sucked out of his lungs as the killers knife plunged into his back. Again and again the knife dug into his spine. In a pool of his own blood he hit the ground, his search was over.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Sorry for the double post, but I just realized something. I can't finish this story on this site. I won't tell the reason, but it just won't work. Sorry about the wasted thread, but it would really not be anywhere near a good story if I tried to fit it here. I hadn't noticed the problem before, sorry. Could a mod delete this thread?
Thank you guys for the advice. I will do my best to describe the world in the next chapter. I do have a question, though. Do I post my chapter in a new topic, or in this thread?
Hey Drago!
I'll review your story today!
Well, I have to say that this was too short, but it was ok. I liked how you kept it mysterious and kept the readers interested.
I see now that you don't want to give away too much information, but leaving the reader hanging isn't good either. This was ok as I already said, but it would have been good that you described us the alley a bit more so that we could get a clear image of what the guy is doing. You could have described us the alley without giving away too much information.
All readings, no matter how short or long, provoke something in the reader. And that is what we are looking for, make people experience something different. So in order to at least create a mood and make us be interested in your stories's darkness and mystery, the setting would do a great job. Why? because it creates a mood. If you wanted darkness, you could have said it was darker than usual, the water could be hear dripping in the old rusty metal of the street. Or something like that.
So that's all I can say.
Hope I helped.
The idea of this prologue was not to go into the character. Some characters are just props. You don't create an attachment to them and use them to invoke some kind of feeling in the reader. In this I tried to make you wonder what he was doing. What was the connection between him and the alley? Why was he killed?
It was not to describe the place, time frame, or characters.
Hi PenNPaper here to review!
Small letter A, unless it is a name.
The comma should be just after city and a space before he.
That is all for the mistakes.
Your story was too short, add in his feelings. It was well written, you kept me interested in it, I like the mysterious kind of atmosphere here. Hope you would continue it, it seems too good a story to stop.
Keep writing and good luck!
Good job Luke! This is a great prologue that really sucks you into it. Makes me want to see more of it and I oh so ever do! The only minor complaint I have is the title choice. Perhaps make it a bit more interesting. Its not that your title is bad, its just not as exciting as the prologue you have written for it.
Edit-You got me to press the "Like" button! And much better title!
I did. I only wish you'd explain more what's going on. Well, this is a prologue. They're kind of supposed to be mysterious . . .
Anyway. Good work. I look forward to reading more.
~ Crazy