Octave

Right off the bat, I can tell you're not sure how to use commas, so I'll link you to a couple of articles about commas. It should help. =D Good ...

To my back, the mattress sags as if beneath the weight of a reclining body, the box springs creak silently, a human warmth that is partially remembered and partially imagined, ...

Hi there Hayden! =D So, after reviewing that other piece of yours, I know you're pretty good with prose so I don't need to go super in-depth on this one. ...

Ah, the sweet sound of fighting; not. Fairly sure semi-colon isn't the punctuation mark to use here. Leaves and twigs snapped and crackled beneath me as I walked out the ...

The phrase fairy tale is very good bait if you're planning to catch the likes of me. ;D *moves to review* Once upon a time, there was a princess named ...

Boo! =] Chapter 1: Caught. A dark figure ghosted across the roof of one building and leapt for the next roof, floating down to gently land on the second roof ...

Today was the day I died, the final day of my sordid little life yet the beginning of something new. Such a common first sentence. "Today I died." In fact, ...

A Breath Of Fresh Air Haskovo, Bulgaria, 2007 Boulevard Stefan Stambolov 27: the address of a large, crumbling building, a reminiscent of the Communist era. The building has twelve floors, ...

“It’s a form of tonic immobility,” Carson said, running his hand through his hair. I'm always iffy on starting with dialog, and this one feels kind of flat, no offense. ...

I have a complicated love affair with fairytales, so when I saw the title, you might as well have held up a sign that said, "CALLING ALL OCTAVES." xD Anyway, ...

It was quaint. The little hole in the wall next to the skanky college bar that her university friends had preferred to go to. Clunky sentence. It made me trip, ...

I’m so sick. Telling, not showing. Creed leaned Tilted? his head back and exposed his face to the lights of his room. All he could feel upon his face was ...

I looked out of the window of the airplane that I was sitting in. Weak first sentence. The sight that I saw really shocked me. Telling, not showing. This made ...

Hey Lava! =D I'm going to crash your piece and review it. ;D A fish market. That's what how Old Mrs. Black would've described the scene had she been in ...

Silence. Interesting, but it's not unique. I've heard it somewhere before. My ears are brimming with it as I clamber out onto the roof. Kinda strange, cause the first sentence ...