Nutty

I really wish some of my classmates would read this. There is a girl in my class with Asperger's. I don't have a problem with her, but people in my ...

"But they smell so weird... and their not green, or red (unless provoked or made feel ashamed) Get rid of the brackets, brackets just don't work in dialogue, really. They ...

Hey, Anzius. Here see the old concrete building, built by those puny things that call themselves humans. Here should have a comma after it. In this old concrete building that ...

I stood outside the rotten, iron gate looking into the old, abandoned manor. Get rid of old. Abandoned things are generally old. How can iron be rotten? Rusted, yes, but ...

Actually, I quite like this. Though it's a bit short to actually comment much on... nevertheless, crit I promised, crit I shall. Bright, tawdry colors flashed past my uncaring eyes ...

Prologue The three of us, Adam, Landon, and myself were in the “turning room” as we so solemnly nickname it. Not the strongest of lines to start. I prefer to ...

Hey Lily! ^^ Okay, you said you wanted to expand? I'll try and figure out ways to do that, then. The jubilation of my well-done escape still lingered after the ...

I knew he had gone threw a lot more than I could understand. Through. His black eyes bore into mine. He was so barbaric. I looked down to hide from ...

Okay, I see castle's pointed out the numerous spelling and grammar mistakes. Make sure you use your spellcheck ^^ "Wake up, you urchin!" I think you should remove the 'you'. ...

Hehe, I couldn't resist: but if you're asking for a review I can't promise I can't promise I'll be able to get to it in a timely way. Take out ...

Woah, I see this has been chewed over a few times by some very good critiquers. Talk about having a hard act to follow! :p So I gather from your ...

“Don’t,” she warned. The rest of it is un-labeled, and I actually quite like it that way. The labeling on this looks a little out of place. Her dark blond ...

I was running down the street away from the tea house I was just in, a few of the angry patrons following. You don't need 'I was just in'. It's ...

Well, it is certainly interesting! ^^ When you look into this man’s eyes it’s just like thunder. 'just' is one of these words I don't like. Almost every time I ...

Okay, this is interesting. Okay, first paragraph. I like the way you have set the scene, and what the MC is doing straight away. That helps with imagery. I would ...