NovaRose

I really like that line, "Safe in the knowledge (I hope)." It's quite ironic. Uh... I don't really get what's going on, and it kinds sounds like you were trying ...

Well, after reading part two, I had to read this to figure out what was going on. I got the general gist of it anyway. It seems that you've been ...

First off, I would suggest to you to either put your story all in one thread for the sake of continuity, or post it in chapters so it's easier to ...

"A gasoline filled her demise " doesn't really make sense. Also, you made a rhyme which, intended or not, doesn't fit with the rest of the stanza. There are a ...

I like how you put "he will never love you" right after "heart to heart." That was my favorite part of the poem. It's like, just as they're getting closest ...

There were a few colloquial (less formal) terms that seemed out of place- the biggest among them is "bled like hell." That's not a metaphor, just an idiom, and an ...

Short but sweet. I like most of it, but the last two couplets seem to have less rhythmic matching than the other couplets. Also, I need you to go into ...

The first thing I noticed about this is how your enjambement is completely pointless. If you threw all the lines into one continuing chain, it wouldn't lose any of its ...

What is the point of this? To sicken us? To "wake us up to the real world"? Every time I read a poem like this, I remember why I don't ...

Corrections in red . Comments, suggestions, and grammatical errors in green . Myro is the land of beauty, magic, peace, and take out "a" here great sadness. The current year ...

I'm just not diggin' it man. I mean, it was just a'ight for me, you know?[/celebrity impersonation] Anyway, I have to agree with Chevy that suicide is overdone in poetry. ...

Please don't advertise your story in other people's story threads, waydownunder. Anyway, I found this story very touching and sad, but a bit predictable and... I don't know. It didn't ...

The swans and the blue roses were close for me, but that pic of the swan at the bottom made me laugh, so it's my fave. I also like red ...

"red than black" should be "red then black" "The room, though not, felt empty but for we three Him, me, and his then new guitar" Sounds awkward and... I dunno. ...

Oooh! I like that twist you gave it at the end. There are some technical religious errors, but that doesn't matter because, well, because they have to do with differing ...