Fade Away
You just had to do it
You couldn't stop
You had to cause his body to drop
The last thing you heard was a muffled thud
Now he's laying in a pool of blood
You just had to make him take his own life
Thats another fate decided by the knife
It's all your fault, theres nowhere to run
It's already over, the deed has been done
Now that the life has been taken away
All the soul has to do is fade away
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thank you!
Oops, double-posted. Sorry.
Thank you!
Thats another fate decided by the knife[quote]
[/quote]
This is a clever line. i prefer poems that relate to real life, because people are more able to understand and also feel the poem. i tought the pace was also good in the poem.
Well thank you for the compliments. If you don't like it because it's not your style oh well. All my poems are creepy like that. I don't like writing happy poems.
And also I didn't make this poem about suicide because I'm just starting out and its the easiest thing to write about, I choose to write about things like this because I cant stand poetry thats always happy and everythings always bright like that because life isn't like that. I write about stuff like this because this is my style and I mostly write about things that happen in my life and my own experiences.
I'm just not diggin' it man. I mean, it was just a'ight for me, you know?[/celebrity impersonation]
Anyway, I have to agree with Chevy that suicide is overdone in poetry. I don't usually read poems for this very reason, that they tend to be depressing. I don't like being depressed. So... yeah.
My one comment - it should be "the deed has been done" instead of "the deed had been done."
Other than that, this is pretty good. I won't go into the subject, because that's controversial. But nicely done.
I'm diggin' this--I like the rhyming that goes along with the very morbid topic, kinda creepiness.
I also like the pacing, it doesn't falter or skip anywhere, which is awesome--it keeps nice and constant, making for an easy read.
yay!
Gosh, I wonder if this stuff came out of my mind when I was thirteen.
Suicides are very typical to write about. Especially when you're just starting out and you have discovered yet, that there are so many more topics to create poetry out of than someone trying to kill themself.
I'm not going to critique the style of this poem, because I keep having to remind myself that there are different forms of poetry and not everyone wants to write the way I like.
So great poem I guess, I would do a little editing myself but heck, it is your poem. Maybe someday down the road you'll play with it.