Mysty

Overall, I think it's a very sweet concept for a story. I myself love fluffy romance stories, the kind that just make you feel good all around. However I'd have ...

This is cute and heartwarming, but there are a lot of errors (most of which have already been pointed out by past reviewers). Another thing is that the narrator sounds ...

Very nice story. I think the only thing I have to say that hasn't been said by others is that it kind of jumps in the beginning and I had ...

As others have said, you need to run this thing through an editing process or two. There are a lot of mistakes as far as word choice that can't really ...

Hmm. This could catch my attention if you put more detail in it, I think. Right now, it's just a boat-load of telling; it reads more like a summary of ...

I really enjoyed this, though I think one thing you can do when you're editing is maybe combine some of the shorter paragraphs or flesh them out. Having a lot ...

I don't think you have quite that much of a problem with telling over showing, although you do seem to have some really long sentences. It's important to not have ...

This seems to be really charged with emotion, which is a good thing! The one thing I noticed was that you tend to have some overly-long sentences. They aren't run-ons ...

As others have said, this is very good for a first attempt at a short story; I can't say I was this good on my first try XD It's kind ...

I have to say this is very well-written! I enjoyed it. I think my only gripe is that you didn't use quotation marks around dialogue. I realize that may be ...

Like others, I was confused about what was going on. Other than that, I had to stop and think right at the beginning. Is the person looking at their own ...

I read a lot of stories like this, where the main character is being kicked out of her house for whatever reason. The first thing I always ask when I ...

You use a lot of passive language in the start, although maybe you meant to? Passive language just means that instead of the MC doing things, things are happening to ...

I've read a few stories about people with this kind of heart failure or who used to have it but get a heart transplant, and I have to say this ...

This is a good start; I'm guessing it's even better than it used to be since you edited it :D The one thing that bugged me through reading it was ...