MissGangamash

Hey! Here for another review! 'clear enough to make Jerica’s stomach feel like there were slugs in it. - it's a very visceral description, I'll give you that. But I'm ...

I prefer this chapter to the first. Although some of the descriptions seemed unnecessary, you do build a good image in my head of what's going on. I think this ...

I saw chapter 2 in the green room so thought I'd check out the beginning. 'Jerica turned back towards the left' - this is very clunky. You've got three different ...

Okay, so this chapter had a lot of exposition. 'She knew what it was like to leave an unforgiving place that was a home in the name alone.' - I ...

Here sooner than I thought I was going to be! Starting a paragraph with 'And it wasn't fault of the architecture' doesn't work. I'm guessing you're referring back to Quinn ...

It makes more sense now that Quinn knew Bell was gay seeing as she is, too. I now get why she was so scared when she had her first crush. ...

It was nice to see Quinn and Isaac just interacting in the hotel room. It's scenes like these that help ground the relationship between these two characters. I did think ...

Back again! Again, this chapter feels stronger. For the most part, I think the conversation between Quinn and the zombie guy was well done. I thought it was a little ...

I like the change in POV. Azazel sounds like an interesting character so its nice to get his side of the story. Although I was left wondering where Quinn was ...

When you mention Isaac's eyes glowing, do you mean just naturally brightening or in a robotic way? I think you need to be more cautious with your descriptions of him ...

Shouldn't Bell be 'Belle'? I never seen the name spelt like that. '“I'm surprised you're taking this so well – most humans freak when they see the fangs.”' - she's ...

'Isaac and her had..' - I think it should be 'Her and Isaac' 'She just always felt like she was trying to catch up on sixteen years of being hidden ...

Back to finish the chapter! I like how the story is getting more supernaturally as it goes along but I felt like the conversation in the first half was quite ...

Hey! I reviewed your prologue a while back and I saw another chapter of yours in the green room so I thought I'd carry on where I left off. I ...

'As I walk through the dark hallways of my family's base, servants paved the way.' - could be changed to 'Servants paved my way as I walked through the dark ...