MiriamHannah

I love twilight, however i also have a sense of humor. This was really good, i burst out spontaneously laughing quite a few times. Really liked spoons, obvious but funny, ...

A car, about 500m away. I like this, this not only shows description but possibly a characteristic of Patrice. Definitely to fast. I would change it to 'too' A girl, ...

wow, this is really good. I would say that it has the danger of turning into a very obvious romcom and if that is what you're going for than you've ...

Does it become clearer later on why the girl was involved. You really need to make Melissa less involved because it confuses the reader, that is unless you plan to ...

I really like this post and think you have done really well at giving it an emotional edge. Despite this I think the main thing that I would change is ...

I loved it. The intensity glues you beautifully to the screen. I know i felt like i was going through the exact same thing as her. The whole description of ...

I never read your first chapter but i like this one. The characters are easily visible and very realistic. I also really like your setting of the park where Tom's ...

I really liked the gothic taste that works so well in fantasy, plus the description is done to the perfect lengt to neither suffocate, nor misinform the reader. I loved ...