Mars

Hello! First of all, your story reminds me very much of a series called Daughters of the Moon (with girls fighting demons, or in this case brownies, etc) which is ...

Hello again. Just finished your prologue, so now I'm moving on to chapter 1 8) I'm going to start with the icky mechanical stuff: Okay, so the first thing I ...

Hey Maki-Chan-I'm here to review your prologue! First of all, I don't know what Silent Hill is, but this first part was interesting, with the disappearance and everything. I don't ...

Hello! kissthewitch here as requested :) So usually Fantasy Fiction turns me off, but reading your piece I was pleasantly surprised. It's not blatantly fantasy, eg, unicorns dancing in a ...

Hello WaterVyper! I like your poem, especially the first stanza, actually. I like all the contradictions too-I'm not sure that you need 'but' to get your point across. I think ...

Yeah, I agree with Haruno Sakura. This whole thing is like nonstop sexsexsexsexsexsex...it's kind of gross. You definitely need a rating. And, as Sakura said, this whole thing never went ...

Hey Adam. You have an interesting piece of work here. I'm not sure it's actually a poem , since you don't use poetic devices like rhyme, line breaks, etc. Of ...

Hi Katie. I'm kissthewitch, here to review your poem (don't worry, I'm not the bashing type :)). First of all, a couple things jumped out at me: Quote: How could ...

Hey 1dering. I'm going to do kind of the same thing that darko did, as in, editing it, but I'll try not to change the emotion too much! For some ...

Hey there, A. Phauox. Welcome to YWS! This poem is obviously very polished and original-thanks for a break from grammatical errors :) Actually, it was hard to find things wrong ...

Hi peace. I'm glad you didn't go too dramatic in this poem, which is what suicide poems tend to be. However, there were a couple of things that bothered me. ...

Hullo! I think moon jumper covered the important things, like grammar. I actually just read her corrected version instead of your grammarless one, which was a lot less confusing. Thanks ...

I walk this road, I walk this road. Alone in travels, travels. The light does not show, does not show. I'm escorted to the gallows, gallows. Interesting repetition here. I'm ...

Hey panda! Welcome to YWS. I just wanted to say I agree with the above comments (except, you know, who knows what you've experienced at 13? :)) and add one ...

Hi Beemarie! I shall be reviewing your poem tonight. *bows* This is an interesting idea for a poem-very original which is great. However, the main thing I noticed is that ...