MadamLunatic

Interesting... This feels dark but alive at the same time. The two first paragraphs sucked me in :) The first sentence in paragraph three is awkward. " She knew not ...

Yes, this looks very overwheming without the paragraphs... I like this :D It was intense. That poor woman got beat up. I could feel the power of the evil beast. ...

Okay... I'm not quite sure what just happened. A girl goes to school and she feels sick so she ends up in a parallel world? I agree with TickSeed about ...

I read all your chapters and I love how you make it feel real. I could feel his panic as he felt the walls closing in and I could hear ...

You should put the little star things right before the transition to Destiny's mom leaving. I had to reread that part to get clarification. I think you can simplify some ...

Okay. First of all, I was shocked that Josh was still alive. I totally thought he died. You tricked me nicely. Ha ha For me, there was too much talk ...

I agree with Reason. Yes, sentence fragments appear quite often. Plus there are run on sentences. WHAT DOES THE MAIN CHARACTER LOOK LIKE? I have been reading these chapters and ...

I'm beginning to be immersed in your story after reading more. This is much easier to read than chapter three. ^^ I feel that it's incorrect to put: "The sad ...

Where is chapter one? To make this more interesting, please use some sentence variation and some dialogue. I think this is what the story is missing. I like this story ...

Interesting. I saw some little mistakes like form instead or from and higher instead of hire. Be careful not to repeat the same words all the time. I saw the ...

I can feel the excitement. :) It delighted me. You could work on sentence variation to make this even more interesting than it is now. It gets a little repetitive.

I think that was cute! I could feel the liveliness of the little girl and it made me smile. I liked this simile,"Miriam watched the waves crash down, like buildings ...

The beginning draws me in while humoring me and i like the "Please don't mind the Hitler 'stache, we shaved it off 'cause of his rash" even though it took ...