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Re: Ms. Apt Diagnosis
feline flowers? ( i wonder if this alludes to dandelions) I wanted to read the line as "where you can be free" but i see how the way you have ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: A difficult dad
I would like to politely disagree with Vernon on a few points. I don't mind the vagueness of this poem. I like your rhyme pattern. It was consistent and intentional. ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Rondelet - Through Jealous Eyes
one thing I would watch out for I suppose is the fact that you ended up rhyming the last lines of each line that wasn't the repeated line. I guess ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Your Soul to Hollywood $$$ (You’ll Never Get it Back)
My favorite parts, "muted glints, a sharp flash" and "cocaine parties." I agree with tennisprincess. This poem reminds me of juvenile crap I used to write while listening to songs. ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Deleted
In your poem. I think you can say so much more with so much less. I would advise first by clarifying a few issues. first, look at perfect. next look ...
May 3, 2008 -
Re: Zero (Chapter 4)
I'd like to say I loved that. even though i don't know the back story. One thing I would work on though would be the beginning. It seems you focus ...
Aug 25, 2006 -
Re: Jack in the Box
i think you have an excellent style here. what i really love about it is that you write outside of the box and more like a slick person would with ...
Aug 23, 2006 -
Re: I haven't written in a long time.
seems interesting and spiteful but you're right it is a little on the bland side. i think you should create a preceding situation where there is imagery and characters involved ...
Aug 21, 2006 -
Re: Considerably Sharp Teeth
i would think it would be interesting to read it as a play of some kind. the dialogue moves it along very well but sometimes it would help if it ...
Aug 19, 2006 -
Re: Portsmouth
I would say if you're going to have dialect you should incorporate it from the beginning. I agree with all of the above with the "ing" thing and some parts ...
Aug 18, 2006
