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MRMarathon

  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Ms. Apt Diagnosis

    feline flowers? ( i wonder if this alludes to dandelions) I wanted to read the line as "where you can be free" but i see how the way you have ...

    May 3, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: A difficult dad

    I would like to politely disagree with Vernon on a few points. I don't mind the vagueness of this poem. I like your rhyme pattern. It was consistent and intentional. ...

    May 3, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Rondelet - Through Jealous Eyes

    one thing I would watch out for I suppose is the fact that you ended up rhyming the last lines of each line that wasn't the repeated line. I guess ...

    May 3, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Your Soul to Hollywood $$$ (You’ll Never Get it Back)

    My favorite parts, "muted glints, a sharp flash" and "cocaine parties." I agree with tennisprincess. This poem reminds me of juvenile crap I used to write while listening to songs. ...

    May 3, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Deleted

    In your poem. I think you can say so much more with so much less. I would advise first by clarifying a few issues. first, look at perfect. next look ...

    May 3, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Zero (Chapter 4)

    I'd like to say I loved that. even though i don't know the back story. One thing I would work on though would be the beginning. It seems you focus ...

    Aug 25, 2006
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Jack in the Box

    i think you have an excellent style here. what i really love about it is that you write outside of the box and more like a slick person would with ...

    Aug 23, 2006
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: I haven't written in a long time.

    seems interesting and spiteful but you're right it is a little on the bland side. i think you should create a preceding situation where there is imagery and characters involved ...

    Aug 21, 2006
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Considerably Sharp Teeth

    i would think it would be interesting to read it as a play of some kind. the dialogue moves it along very well but sometimes it would help if it ...

    Aug 19, 2006
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: Portsmouth

    I would say if you're going to have dialect you should incorporate it from the beginning. I agree with all of the above with the "ing" thing and some parts ...

    Aug 18, 2006


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