Lynlyn

I don't really care for the repeated "me" in the first paragraph, it's a little sing-songy (whereas the rest of the poem is a bit darker). The only thing that ...

What an excellent chapter! I must say, I really am stunned. I wasn't expecting that twist at all. Inter-group disagreements maybe, but wow, leaving Brad? I didn't see that one ...

Very cool. I have a lot of dreams about clocks . I like the idea, and the detail that you used to describe the little clock. One question though - ...

Hee, I really like this... do I sense romantic tension between Dmitri and Nora? Oooh. You've done a great job here, but a couple of things: There were one or ...

A surprise for me - I had imagined in the last chapter that Whisperba was a woman, not sure why. "Yes. It's a bright net stretched over us, holding us ...

All of the grammar errors that I noticed have already been pointed out. Your problem areas are few, but one to look at would be pacing. While well written, the ...

Very nice! The last line has left me wishing there was more... ah, wait, there is, I just have to finish critiquing this part so that I can go read ...

The quote at the beginning is neat; I liked that. The beginning *could* be filed down a little bit, but I don't really see anything wrong with it the way ...

This is very cool. It does, however, read as a first chapter of something, and knowing that it's a stand-alone piece upsets me. I want to know what happens! She ...

I've never had someone critique my work before so please feel free to critique your hardest. Thanks. What a brave soul you are! I poked around for ages before I ...

My favorite part had to be when the kitten sneezed. So cuuuute. Your writing is, as usual, very exciting and well-paced. The only thing I really noticed was in the ...

Texas? I actually imagined it taking place in some dusty open western state, though... like Nevada or Montana or something. But I guess Texas is just as good of a ...

Wooooow. I love love love. I can't wait to see this make it to full fruition so we can read the whole story. In the first chapter: She sank to ...

Pikara rose, inches away from banging her head on the wooden wall. Pwaha. She's so cute. The advertisements on television had ended which was then followed by a mage forecaster ...

I really liked the first stanza (et, ergo, the last one as well) but I feel like in some places your vocabulary was a little much. Words like "pellucid" and ...