Lynlyn

A small Chinese corpse watched wordlessly. You are continually knocking me dead with these awesome, awesome one-liners. So little and yet so much. I have to say that I like ...

This is really quite superb, as far as fiction goes. 8) I knew what he meant, “I wanted to check it out.” I think that a period instead of a ...

Most of what I was thinking has already been said, Proky. The only bit that realy threw me off was the "I did. We did." That sort of made it ...

I think on the whole we've probably already beaten this thing to death for you, but I have a couple comments. On the whole, this is still very gripping, but ...

“That was the one Derek wanted to go on,” he said, his voice small. “We all couldn’t wait until it opened.” That was where I figured out that Jason was ...

I think that a lot of the things Griffinkeeper mentioned will help to draw in a little more realism. he only other thing that I think detracted from it was ...

I really like this because it has a sort of spoken word vibe - I don't really know what the term would be for it, technically, but it's easy to ...

Excusing Snoink's lion-delusion and brash commentary (love you Snoink), I do agree with most of her comments. I think the "animus" line is really a little much, considering the semi-humorous ...

This is so vivid. I really love the description of color at the beginning, the blue of the sky sort of stayed with my as I was reading the rest ...

Man. You're so awesome. And I'm so jealous. Charlotte smirked. “What about the people who aren't living anymore, huh? What about the dead kids lying in the streets with holes ...

This is interesting! I like inter-dimensional fiction stuff, and it's nice to see a full short story posted (so often is the Fantasy forum full of half-finished chapter stories... not ...

The introduction is nice, although I think it would be better if you'd added in there that the creature was vaguely humanoid. Until you describe it wearing trousers, its a ...

Again, beautifully written. The only thing I can really say is that sometimes I think you go a bit wild with your fragments and the word "and." Every individual instance ...

Kylan, you are such a fantastic writer; I always look forward to reading your stuff even if I don't manage to scrape up a review for it. (Also, my mom ...

My only real suggestions here would be to play around with your style a little. I'm all for the school of "less is more," but a little wordplay every now ...