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Re: Thankful For Daddy
Hey there! Interesting story, definitely inspires a spark of hope for the next generation. The other critics here have already showered you with praise, and I don't think I could ...
Nov 29, 2012 -
Re: Mentors and Heroes (working on the title)
Definitely an interesting concept! It's looking pretty well polished and refined as far as writing style goes, so kudos for that. It was a very smooth read, allowed the reader ...
Apr 5, 2012 -
Re: "Things I Don't Like" by Death
First thought upon completing: better get it copyrighted to your name. It's simple and funny enough for someone to copy and paste in an email and send out as a ...
Mar 16, 2011 -
Re: She killed me.
Less is more... ;) If you were telling us the story verbally, I can see why you would use exclamation points. However, in writing, it's a bit different. In writing, ...
Mar 6, 2011 -
Re: Let it Fall
It feels weird to say it given the subject matter of the above piece, but nice. Very smooth read, nearly top to bottom. I like how you implied the lesbian ...
Mar 4, 2011 -
Re: Confessions of A COA (edited)
Overall, it was really good. I think part of the reason it was interesting to me is that I come from a similar situation. So it was interesting to see ...
Mar 1, 2011 -
Re: Part I: The Beginning--and The End.
God—Yaweh, Allah—was as omnipotent and all-knowing as the Christians—Jews, Muslims—thought, and more. He was the ultimate architect; a craftsman with no peer; an author whose pages made up the
Feb 23, 2011 -
Re: Ultamite Chapter 1: Pilgrims Path
"Wait, why aren't we going into the cave and staying the night there instead of outside? Isn't it more dangerous out here at night?" Neat way to give the reader ...
May 29, 2010 -
Re: Toast
Fun story! Very humorous. The beginning and a little bit towards the end felt a bit repetitive, but not overwhelmingly so. Enough to be noticeable, but to also be easily ...
May 13, 2010 -
Re: Ther Series of Unfortunate Events
I loved the books when I was nine and ten, but after I turned ten, they started losing their appeal. Part of it was I finally caught up to the ...
Mar 12, 2010 -
Re: FREAKY SPAGHETTI
So now that I've actually *read* FREAK... :P Too Funny! DANNY She can’t help that she sounds like a howler monkey. CLAUDIO Shoots DANNY and blows off his arm. That’s ...
Mar 4, 2010 -
Re: 101 Ways to Die #1
XD. Epic. Loved the twist. Here I was expecting this gruesome goring by lawn mower (think "The Happening") only for him to get smooshed. That's awesome, that is. So ridiculous ...
Jan 25, 2010 -
Re: I did not cry
Just to repeat the others and be an echo for a moment, excellent job on the emotion. I actually don't mind the rhythm/brokenness of it, as I think it adds ...
Jan 17, 2010 -
Re: Foregone
Ack! I clicked the spoiler. If you need to explain something to your readers, it's usually a sign that you're doing something not quite right. If someone went on and ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: On saying good-bye
In poetry, line breaks usually occur in the middle of a sentence, not at the end. For example, check out this poem by Lewis Carol, titled A Boat Beneath A ...
Jan 9, 2010
