Loose

Wow. Prok, this was sensational. It was like a fairy tale for adults for most of the beginning. "Depends which town you mean." His voice sounded rough and unused. "Ashur, ...

I have a problem with you calling him a "retard" in the final line and the title. Surely you could find a more aggressive, suitable word. Calling someone a "Retard" ...

Yuck. That font is disgusting. Please change it now! Your first paragraph (prologue?) seems a little dry, and your chapter 1 seems too dialogue dependant. Might I suggest trying to ...

**Giggles** 'Veggies' is for lazy people. The topic of this essay is the word ‘veggies’ and its use. This was an essay? You do know that essays need to be ...

Although KJ had a good idea with turning this into a poem, I think it's good as it is. It's not often you come across a short, sweet, meaningful narratives. ...

This was sensational. It's not the sort of thing you read very often on this website; a teacher being stabbed. I particularly like how you begin with a simple concept; ...

They were stormy filled with all the stories she had read. Dreary from all the sentences she had consumed. What were? Her eyes? This would be better attached to the ...

This piece is too dialogue dependant! You don't bother describing the surroundings, emotions, anything, except for what everyone is saying. This leads to a very messy story and what appears ...

Bella laid on her gorgeous bed, of colors violet, bright green and blue. Mmm, that's nice. **yawn** Ever heard of the "uh oh factor"? It's a special little feature that ...

Chase was working in the fields when the bell for dinner was by his little sister, Trudy, She's Fifteen. What a horrid opening sentence. You basically tell us everything, very ...

Leaving the grammar stuff aside, as you wanted, I'll simply state what bugged me. I know this is part one, but there is still room for background. You leave us ...

You know I mean only the best when I say that your first paragraph annoys me. It might be because in English we have been studying pieces that have more ...

Personally, I think this might be more appropriate in the "Historical Fiction" forum, unless this is her real diary, which I doubt, since Molly Brown wasn't a passenger on board ...

Your hook is disgusting. You know what a hook is, don't you? It's the first sentence (sometimes paragraph), that lures the reader to read more. I may not be the ...

I actually didn't like this part. It seemed too convieniant. Like if the guy I like was to suddenly turn around and say that everything he ever did to anyone ...