...

"Gramps says, 'One: are you German?' Prisoner can't do much but say yes. 'Two,' Gramps continues, and the prisoner sighs in relief, 'if I gave you this gun, would you kill me?' Naturally the German lies through his teeth and says no. 'Three: why shouldn't I kill you?'

Thanks a lot XxxDo!

I apologize about some of the spelling errors; this was a slightly older version of the story and I forgot to replace it with the fixed revision. That stuff is corrected now.

One thing that confused me is whether the whole story is meant to be a letter sent to the law enforcement, or not... Also, at one point you say "I". But it is in 3rd person, so you shouldn't use I anywhere other than dialogue.

Heya,

As promised, here's the review

I really liked the story, especially because of the description and the way in which weaver suddenly becomes a crocodile monster thing. The way you're in Weaver's head is also really good. The letter is brilliant too.

One thing that confused me is whether the whole story is meant to be a letter sent to the law enforcement, or not... Also, at one point you say "I". But it is in 3rd person, so you shouldn't use I anywhere other than dialogue.


Anyway, it was awesome.

Happy editing.
XxxDo

Thank you all very much for the reviews.

In retrospect, perhaps I should've broken this up into two parts -- reviewers not having time to read it all is a red flag. ^^;

TNCowgirl wrote:Just dont' use so many big words unless the people you want to read this are the people that would know what they mean.

Azila wrote:Is it all a letter to the police?

I really liked this. What I liked most was your hook. I didn't have time to read it all - maybe you should shorten it? Just a thought.

Don't have time to say anymore, but good job on what I did read.

I feel really really bad. Because I promised this crit a while back. So here it goes.

It was pretty good. Just my mind doesn't like big words and there were a lot in the first part. Other then that it seemed pretty good. Just dont' use so many big words unless the people you want to read this are the people that would know what they mean. Other then that good job!!!!!

Hi, Prok! Here's my review, I hope it lives up to what you wanted!

If Timothy Weaver ever told the truth, it was a half-truth, and Tim Weaver didn't tell the truth often.

"He's got a demon in'im."

But the greatest reward was the intense feeling of control he experienced: stringing along credulous commoners and toying with them like marionettes; simultaneously manipulating their minds and belittling their intelligence with every confident word that left his lips.

The tavern served a varied group of customers: farmers, fishermen, and fur-traders, with no shortage of degenerates and criminals.

Built a few years earlier to take advantage of the booming traffic, Clemen's Tavern was once a beautiful building, outside and in; but this last crowded year had taken its toll: the path leading up to the door was a muddy slush pool; the interior walls were caked with grime; the smell of cigarette smoke clung to everything inside the pub.

Weaver opened the heavy oak door with a grunt and stepped in the tavern, splashing mud into the already-soaked entranceway.

A few there that night, though not as many as a weekend would bring.

Two out of three wasn't bad.

"Anyway, he told one particular story more than any other."

"One night after a fierce round of fighting, a few captured enemy prisoners were brought back. My grandfather managed to get himself alone with one of them. I'm not sure whether Gramps could speak German or if he had a translator, but this is what he says happened.

Weaver picked up a grubby knife and fork and began eating. When he was finished he retrieved a toothpick from his jacket and placed it in his mouth.

I bit off his head.

Like Loose said, Wow. I loved it. I was sorta surprised towards the ending but I liked it. I rather enjoyed the story Weaver's grandfather told about the war.

Characters, Plot, Description...spectacular. I was really drawn into the story and started seeing
and living it. I mean as it ened, i slowly came back to my surroundings, my room, my house, life.

Good job!

Wow. Prok, this was sensational. It was like a fairy tale for adults for most of the beginning.

"Depends which town you mean." His voice sounded rough and unused. "Ashur, yeah."

Ruthless sonofabitch.