Livinginfantasy

Alrighty, I'll take a crack at this... OK, so i came up with this, like in two seconds. it probably reads that way, so be as harsh as you can ...

Awww... How cute! I love stories where they mix lyrics into the story line. Andres Segura... you couldn't have picked a more perfect name. The only thing I have to ...

my stomach starts growling, in the late afternoon my mother simply says,"supper will be ready soon" but my haunger just can't wait so I go to the place where we ...

Hey Lulu (if I may call you that)! First, I wanna say welcome! I see you are a Novice. I hope you're following the 2:1 ratio. You know, the ratio ...

Very nice. I like it alot. I agree with Sam when she suggests that you mix up the intro a little. I do like that first sentence, though. But maybe ...

Hey Serenity! Long time no see. First, I must say, this poem has a lot of promise. You've got the emotion... you just don't have the right words. Eimear was ...

Hey Newbie! Now, we all gotta remind you, since it appears no one has said it yet, I will. Here at YWS, we have a 2:1 ratio. Meaning for every ...

Well, I don't know know if I got the same message you were trying to convey, but I thought that was a poem about peer pressure and how it lead ...

Sorry it took me so long to get here. I can't wait to read this! Prologue: -Withering Castle- Breathing softly I did my best to resist the temptation to sneeze. ...

“Sorry Mr. Richards,” Anna shuts the door; relieved the glass hadn’t broken, she slowly picks up her pile of undeveloped pictures. Rewrite: "Sorry Mr. Richards," Anna shuts the door, relieved ...

VERY POWERFUL! :shock: That was beautiful, my friend. Your voice is amazing... I can hear your growl! My opinions are in bold: I'm not sorry I can't stand by and ...

This just oozes sarcasm! I love it. To tell you the truth, at first, I didn't like the title. I thought it was too blunt. But now that I've read ...

The only advice I could give is: This isn't much of a poem. I like the idea, stick with it, but I don't think you could call this grouping of ...

As she struts towards the car, she looks Anna dead in the eyes. Ghosts strut? :? Like FallingIntoTheSky said, this is very well written. You're a great writer, xhalcyonx128! Ihad ...

Church bells methodically toll as the people silently file out. Ouch... too much description! Why not try: 'The church bells methodical toll was the only sound as the people filed ...