Lilyy03

Oh, this is interesting! I wasn't sure about it at first, but you're certainly going off the beaten path. The first paragraph didn't really draw me in, though, since it ...

*grins* How wonderful! You've captured the tone and atmosphere of Redwall very well. Almost a little too well. It's very much Brian Jacques's style of writing and I can imagine ...

Hee, I enjoyed this! It's refreshing to read Bella-free Twilight stories. The first thing that struck me was how true to form your Jacob is. The voice, curiosity and sense ...

I adored the first book, but I was sort of disappointed by the second and third. I found the first book to be refreshing and delicious, and I'll willingly admit ...

First off, kudos for taking on this topic. ^_^ I've always found the events and people of that era to be fascinating. They were on the brink of changing history ...

It's really not advisable to bump topics. Be patient and a critique will come along sooner or later. Though something that'll help get more readers is to critique other people's ...

For your question... I think it's been done both ways. I guess it's up to you. My main suggestion for this piece would be to not be so wordy. Your ...

Pssst. That sort of poll tends to not be popular around here. ;) Standing at the foot of the stone steps, Zephyr Mulligan and her mother looked up at her ...

Second Commander McCray and Fourth Captain Price of the Second Knighthood to the Kingdom of Darkness were crouched in the bushes near the borderline of the Light and Dark Realms. ...

First off, this'll be easier to read if you space out your paragraphs. :) A group of teenagers stood and talked loudly at the end of a quiet street. Heh, ...

Ah... Sorry for taking forever to get to this! I know I said I'd read it... Anyway: The Prologue Small ripples slowly glided up and down the beach, giving out ...

Quite intriguing! My only suggestion would be to maybe not repeat certain words as much... He sat in his computer chair, facing his computer. It sat on a desk, along ...

Yeah, the ellipses were quite annoying. Also, as you probably know, your title is the exact same as a Harry Potter chapter title. A long, low howl was voiced across ...

Mm. An Inconvenient Truth was decent as a promotional Al Gore flick... but it was less than good as a documentary. It really does obsess over the worst case scenario, ...

Ofour and Sureal have said everything I was going to say, but one small thing... I thought the "fat Iranian" was rather odd. :lol: It seems like the stereotypical practice ...