Lilicia

Hi there! This is an interesting concept: narrating the story from two different points of view is intruiging. However, both characters seem a little flat - they are basically saying ...

Hi there! This is interesting, and there are some great descriptions. But it's not as good as it could be... yet. Nitpicks first. Corrections in red and suggestions in bold. ...

Hi there! Are you new here? If so, welcome to YWS! :) I'm Lilicia *shakes hand* On to the review: Firstly: I advise breaking down your paragraphs. I found this ...

Hi there! This isn't bad for a first story. It's certainly very action packed! It leaves me wanting to read more; to know why the MC was going to be ...

Hello there! Welcome to YWS! I'm Lilicia *shakes hand* :D On to the review: Nitpicks: I ought to care. He is my husband after all. The promotion was meant to ...

Hello there! This is an interesting little piece that could lead anywhere - I definitly want to read more. However, it's not perfect. Corrections in red and suggestions in bold: ...

Hi there! I really liked this; your writing flows nicely and the descriptions are good. You want this to be ripped to pieces, so here goes... It pained me too ...

Hey there! I hardly ever review poetry, so sorry if this isn't that great. :) Just one tiny nitpick: And let me breath . *breathe So this is quite a ...

Hello! This continues to be interesting. However, this piece is lacking emotion. It's quite hard to relate to the MC at the moment. That said, this story does have potential, ...

Hey there! This is definitly a very much improved version of the first draft; at times the emotions and descriptions were so vivid that I felt like I was in ...

Hey there! I like this. It's intruiging, and certainly something that not many people write about. I love it how you make Light and Dark people, it's a perspective that ...

Hey there! This is very original and you did a good job on catching my attention. However, it is slighty too action-packed, making it confusing. I advise putting a lot ...

Hi there! ... wow that's really good. I really wasn't expecting him to kill everyone at the end. I love the message you convey through this, it's a powerful story. ...

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I'm Lilicia *shakes hand* Corrections are in red , suggestions in bold . :) That morning , I woke up late and rushed to school ...

Hello there! This is a very interesting idea, and I wasn't expecting the end at all! It gave me a shock :shock: However, I think that this does need a ...