Part 1 ,"I'm not under your charm,mrs Lily"

Hello, Mermeid. Reise again.

I'd no idea that English was not your first language. That sure explain a lot! Heh. Okay, I completely understand now. You writing this would be like me writing in French, of course some things would be choppy.

I hope I helped even a little bit anyway. I'll be sure to review the next part when you get it posted.

ReisePiecey!

Thanks Reisi!
I'm not great at punctuation of English.As I have already said,English isn't my native language.
I am not getting discouraged , don't worry!
I'll try to fix the mistakes in next part.

Hello, Mermeid! Reise here for a review. Okay, first of all, the title bothers me. Just capitalize the 'M' in "mrs" and put a period behind the 'S'. You also need a space behind the commas. Okay, now on to the real review.

She entered the classroom with the same elegance and beauty that was typical of only her.#00BF00 ">Insert spacing here.Mrs#00BF00 ">. Lily isn't a particularly beautiful woman. She doesn't really look like one#00BF00 ">Close this gap between 'one' and the period. . Tall but not slim#00BF00 ">, with brown eyes, #00BF00 ">and a not so accurate nose.This is how Mrs#00BF00 ">. Lily looks like. Ordinary woman,#00BF00 ">put a space here.ordinary looks. But it all doesn't matter. It all doesn't matter when she enters the classroom, when she moves towards the table#00BF00 ">, and#00BF00 ">, most importantly... when she smiles...That full, deep smile in combination with those big,#00BF00 ">put a space herebrown eyes immediately make her more than beautiful in your eyes#00BF00 ">, and everybody in the class is instantly in love with her. #00BF00 ">There is some repetition in this paragraph.

This time#00BF00 ">, the magic worked once more. The whole class admiringly looked at her.

"Good morning#00BF00 ">,",she said with her own cute tone of voice and that disarming sweet smile. #00BF00 ">Take out the comma that's not in green.

"Good morning#00BF00 ">,",the class answered as one person, already under her charm. #00BF00 ">Same rule here as the one above it.

"Oh#00BF00 ">,",she said#00BF00 ">, " I guess I already know some of you#00BF00 ">."

4 #00BF00 ">Four of us were her students in the first University year too, we knew she was addressing us. Slowly, as though under the power of an invisible magic, we tried to imitate her warm,#00BF00 ">put a space here.big smile. We knew we should give the smile back. Because she was watching us, because she was testing our emotions. 3 #00BF00 ">Three of us were completely disarmed,they smiled till the ears #00BF00 ">Close this gap between ears and the comma. Also, the part about their ears makes no sense. I get what you mean, but you need to word it better. , expressing #00BF00 ">Expressing what? every way they could just what she was expecting:

" We have missed you so much,#00BF00 ">Put a space here.Mrs#00BF00 ">. Lily , we're so glad to see you again#00BF00 ">.". #00BF00 ">Take out this period.

And then her brown eyes rested on me.#00BF00 ">Space.And though I was smiling too , she immediately saw the farce #00BF00 ">force.#00BF00 ">Space.She could see that my smile was #00BF00 ">in no way a twin of hers.She felt the coldness. I had been her best student in the first course and she had prepared the most meaningful of all smiles to me.#00BF00 ">Space.But I was smiling without my eyes,#00BF00 ">Space.deliberately #00BF00 ">No space here. , aiming to pass the coldness and puzzle her.

"I know what you're expecting from me,#00BF00 ">Space.Mrs#00BF00 ">. Lily. I won't give it #00BF00 ">in.#00BF00 ">Space.I'm smiling up to the borders of politeness#00BF00 "> No space here. ,#00BF00 ">Space.nothing more.Whatever is inside of me,#00BF00 ">Space.you won't know it.#00BF00 ">Space.Is it hatred,love#00BF00 ">, or indifference? Ah! I already see you are puzzled. I'm not under your charm,#00BF00 ">Space.Mrs#00BF00 ">. Lily#00BF00 ">."

That was what my smile was saying.

Thank you very much for the detailed review!!! This will encourage me a lot to post the second part as soon as possible.
English isn't my first language but I'm trying my best . Thank you once again!

Hello there!

This is an interesting little piece that could lead anywhere - I definitly want to read more. However, it's not perfect.

Corrections in red and suggestions in bold:

She entered the classroom with the same elegance and beauty that was typical of only her. (this isn't a great hook. It drags on a bit. Rephrase it, make it shorter) Mrs Lily isn't a particularly beautiful woman. She doesn't really look like one. (this sentence is unecessary) Tall but not slim with brown eyes, #FF0000 ">and a not so accurate nose. (in what way is she not slim? Plump? Or plain fat?) This is how Mrs Lily looks like. (this sentence is also unecessary) Ordinary woman,ordinary looks. But it all doesn't matter.It all doesn't matter ('it doesn't all matter' sounds a bit off.) when she enters the classroom, when she moves towards the table and most importantly... when she smiles...That full, deep smile in combination with those big,brown eyes immediately make her more than beautiful in your eyes and everybody in the class is instantly in love with her. (this is a long sentence. Cut it down a bit. Also, you switched to present tense: make sure to keep with one tense)

This time the magic worked once more. The whole class admiringly looked at her. (describe the class. Is it a big class, small class, etc...)

"Good morning",she said with her own cute tone of voice and that disarming sweet smile. (describe her tone a bit more; as a reader I want to really hear it)

"Good morning",the class answered as one person, already under her charm.

"Oh",she said" I guess I already know some of you#FF0000 ">."

4 #FF0000 ">Four (always write out numbers) of us were her students in the first University year too#FF0000 ">; we knew she was addressing us. Slowly, as though under the power of an invisible magic, we tried to imitate her warm,big smile. We knew we should give the smile back. Because she was watching us, because she was testing our emotions.(This should be made into one sentence) 3 #FF0000 ">Three of us were completely disarmed,they smiled till the #FF0000 ">their ears , expressing every way they could just what she was expecting: (you say 'three of us', when the MC is the one not smiling properly. 'The other three' would make more sense)

" We have missed you so much,Mrs Lily , we're so glad to see you again". (describe this other three. They seem like robots at the moment, saying everything in unison)

And then her brown eyes rested on me.And though I was smiling too , she immediately saw the farce.She could see that my smile was no way a twin of hers.She felt the coldness. (I like this, it runs smoothly) I had been her best student in the first course and she had prepared the most meaningful of all smiles to me.But I was smiling without my eyes,deliberately aiming to pass the coldness and puzzle her.

"I know what you're expecting from me,Mrs Lily. I won't give it.I'm smiling up to the borders of politeness ,nothing more.Whatever is inside of me,you won't know it.Is it hatred,love or indifference? Ah! I already see you are puzzled. I'm not under your charm,Mrs Lily"

That was what my smile was saying.