Lena.Wooldridge

Hey! Alright, so some of the stuff in this is, like, superweird. You'd never ask some girl that you just met if she's had sex. That's so weird. Also, when ...

Hey, here as I promised :smt003 NITPICKS Jasmine Kline winced in half pain , and half fear... Unnecessary comma : ) ...whom she had met many times when she was ...

Just a note -- women can't have orgasms from sexual intercourse. And if they do, it wouldn't be when they lose their virginity. And it wouldn't be from "one swift ...

Wow, I just read Galerius's post... Whatta meanie! Anyway, this wasn't like amazing, but it was pretty good. Galerius was right when he said that your basic message was something ...

Hey, just have to say that I love your name/avatar. Ha, Anyway, when a character is speaking you italicize it. (ie: swoosh , I thought as I smiled and turned ...

Hey Anuha! Welcome to YWS! Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Here are some simple rules for dialogue. 1) At the end of the dialogue, before the ...

First off, your prologue is unnecessary. Why not just make that part of the first chapter? The prologue as it is is a little shaky. I love the idea that ...

First off, I want to say that the central idea of this is simply beautiful . However, please do not write a sequel. I find it really strange that you ...

Hey, just stopping by for a quick review. First off, the basic idea of the story is good. A woman who was abused by her father, now in a bad ...

Hey, this is just a quickie, I don't have much time. First off, I found some of the dialogue to be very cheesy. Like these ones especially: Gee, are you ...

Hey, I honestly didn't read this whole thing, I had to stop after this part: Master jerked me off I started laughing and couldn't read anymore. So I'd change that, ...

Hey! : ) I'm just gonna pick this apart for you, cause I have nothing better to do. It’s a root of many sins, from adultery to crime, You can't ...

Alright, I just skimmed this, but parts of it just don't seem realistic to me. A girl in an abusive relationship doesn't threaten to "tell" on the boy. Its just ...

This was very well written - Nice work! My only issue was with the first paragraph. I might be just dumb or something, but I really didn't get it. It ...

Just from reading your first paragraph, I can see how many of your sentences could be improved. So I'm going through this line-by-line with the nitpicks. Hope it helps :) ...