Swoosh

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It was down to the final shot. This was the state championship and the coveted trophy had been in the hands of the opposing team for the last seven years. It was a real Cinderella story, us being the underdog team, working our way steadily up in the rankings. We definitely deserved this win. It was time for change and it was up to me.

The game was tied and I was up for a free throw because their dirty, rotten captain had fouled me. Time to show them what I’ve got. I lined my feet perfectly and caressed the ball in my hands until I had it just how I liked it.

Chest pounding and tension building, it seemed like I could hear the crowd screaming my name. “Meghan! Meghan! Hello! Earth to Meghan!” What? I snapped back into reality.

I looked at my friend who was standing next to me and staring at me like I was an idiot. “What?” I asked.

“Stop narrating like that. You’re so spacey. Just throw the stupid paper away before you embarrass us in front of the class,” she said with a look of disgust.

“What?” I said.

“The paper ball in your hand. Throw it away,” she said pronouncing each syllable slowly.

“Oh, right.” Whatever, just because she has no imagination doesn’t mean I don’t have to have one.

So I lined my feet up with the tile, shifted my hips back and forth, and threw my paper ball at the trashcan. It bounced perfectly against the wall and landed in the can spot on.

Swoosh, I thought as I smiled and turned back to my desk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I wrote this because I was bored in class. I had a question to add and if someone could clear it up it would be awesome. When I want to show what a character is thinking do I use quotes or not? Thanks!

Comments & reviews · 3
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I liked this. I was sort of rolling with it, thinking this is going to be "just another one of those underdog sports stories" and then wham, you hit me with that twist there at the end. Very nice.

One formatting nitpick: When you start a new character's dialogue, the dialogue should begin its own new paragraph.

ex.
"Henry!" Margaret ran after the man. He turned.

"What?"

It just makes it clearer who's talking.

All in all, I liked this. It was short, sweet and had that nice twist at the end. Cool beans.

~GryphonFledgling

Thank you very much! I'll try to write in only one tense!

Hey, just have to say that I love your name/avatar. Ha,

Anyway, when a character is speaking you italicize it. (ie: swoosh, I thought as I smiled and turned back to my desk.

In the second paragraph, you start out with past tense. The second sentence switches to present tense, and then the third returns to past. If the middle sentence was actually the MC speaking, then you must italicize it, it'll make everything clearer :)

by they way, I really liked this. Especially when the girl tells the MC to throw the thing away slowly. Could relate to this a lot.

Nice work, keep writing.
-Lena



The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star